The Home For Forgotten Boys (Poly) ( On Hold)

Chapter Five

Elijah's Pov

Walking up to my room I saw Lucas and Logan sitting in the living room watching tv. Though the thing that caught my eyes was that Lucas was sitting on Logan's lap and Logan had his arms wrapped around him. Where they dating? Or were they just very close to each other? Now that I think about it they do all seem close, but then again that could be because they have been living together for a while. Shrugging it off I continued to my room.

Once I got there I striped my clothes my clothes and prepared the shower. I couldn't stop thinking about what I had seen in the living room. They looked so comfortable touching each other and holding each other. I would never have that. I hate the thought of someone holding me, someone, touching me, someone getting close to me. I hate all these things because i'm scared that if I let someone get close to me they will hurt me. I fear someone touching me because of my past. My uncle never hugged me the only time someone would hold me was when they were holding me down. I hated the thought of being trapped and held down. I hated the idea of love.

I was so stuck in my thoughts that I didn't feel the burning water hitting my body. Snapping myself out of my head I quickly washed myself and got out of the shower. I wrapped a towel around my waist and looked up at the sink mirror.

Ugly, Fat, Worthless, Waste....... BROKEN...

I know that I'd never love myself. I know that no one would ever love me. I am a nobody. Im just a broken used toy. That's all that I'll ever be. I can't change my past and I don't see myself having a future. So why don't I just end it all? Because I don't have the courage. Everytime I try, and yes I have tried before, I talk myself out of it.

I think that am still wishing for someone to save me. I gave up on love and trust a long time ago and yet I still believe that someone will come and try to save me. If that time ever does come I don't know what i'd do.

After putting on a dark blue long sleeve shirt and jeans I sat on my bed and grabbed my bag. I pulled out one of my note books. My uncle had to enroll me in school because laws and he chose the easiest public school where he wouldn't have to pay for very much. School wasn't that easiest thing I had quite a bit of bullies because of what I wore and how distant I was from everyone else. Really the only good thing that I got from school was writing lessons.

Writing helped free me it led me to discover a whole new world where I could write stories, poems, and songs about anything I wanted. I don't really sing because well I wasn't allowed to at my house my uncle always hated my voice and I didn't do it at school afraid of bullies and any unwanted attention I'd get. So I just didn't sing and just wrote songs that would never be heard. My english teacher was my favorite teacher because he was so friendly and kind to me and noticed my enthusiasm for writing and so he would lend me to spare notebooks and paper.

Most of what I write is very sad but I try my best to write happier stories to escape my reality, to escape all the pain. I've never shown anyone my stories, poems or any of my writings because well they hold the truth to my life they hold my story and that's not something I want to show anyone. I didn't have to hide my notebooks from my uncle because he thought it was just pointless school work so I was never scared of him catching them.

Looking down at my paper I hadn't realized I had already started writing. Reading it over I noticed I was writing a new story about a mute boy and his struggles to find love. Sometimes I feel like going mute just not say anything at all, words are nothing but pain. Words can be like daggers to the heart, the head to any part of you. Words are really the worst weapon anyone has.

Sometimes words can be pointless and your words can be lies. Lying. Lying is something I had to do often at school when they'd asked me are you ok? Or when they'd ask me are you having problems at home? Some of the questions were directed towards the new bruises I had on my face or the small limp I had and some of them were just because my clothes looked really shaggy and old and maybe they thought I was having money problems that they could help with If only they knew that was only a small part of the truth.

My uncle wasn't very rich and he had to keep switching from job to job.
Ofcourse though he was an alcoholic and spent most of his money on things he didn't need though at the end he'd always blame his money lost on me saying if he didn't have to take care of me if I was just gone he might be the richest man in earth. We weren't poor he always had money to have small parties well torture events is what I called them. When he would invite his friends over to do despicable things.

After getting the first chapter done with my story I put my notebook away and put my bag under my bed. I hadn't unpacked anything because well I didn't belong here. Everything here is beautiful and perfect and I'm just a flaw that will get in the way of that and it's only a matter of time before they notice it too and decide they don't want me here.

So far everyone's been kind well I haven't really talked to a lot of them and I don't know anyone for all I know they could easily turn their smile into a sneer and turn on me. I'm prepared for that I always prepare myself for the worst because well I always expect the worst after being beaten down so many times it's all you can do, you focus on the negatives and you can't actually be free.

Sometimes I wish I could be happy and look at myself in a mirror without thinking all these negative thoughts but I can't help it when you look like I do you'll understand when you've gone through what I've gone through you'd know how imperfect you are.

A knock snap me out of my thoughts and I turn to the alarm clock on the dresser and noticed the time was now 12:40. Walking to the door I opened and discovered Jaxon standing there along with Anthony.

" Hello Elijah!" Jaxon said in his deep smooth voice. " We're all going shopping to pick up some supplies for the house, and I know you just got here and might not be comfortable going out we're all going and we can't leave you here alone" he said.

Yeah I understand what he's saying it would be a stupid move to leave someone new alone because well this is a house for boys like me and knowing me I wouldn't leave anyone alone for safety purposes. Because you never know what the person's going to do while you're out and when you get back you may be too late. Anyway saying this doesn't mean I want to go shopping I hate big crowds and a lot of noise.

Masking my fear and panic with a blank face I simply nodded and turned around to get ready for today's hell.

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Sorry for the long wait I have been having a lot of problems with school and family and so I've been very busy lately.

Thank you guys for all your support and encouraging words.

Please feel free to correct me or comment if anything is wrong or if you are confused so I can fix that 😁