Back To You [Shisui X Itachi]

Chapter 37

Did I do this?

Did I smother his light?

Why didn't I call?

Itachi slowly opened the door to his apartment - he had never noticed just how gloomy his apartment was. Immaculately clean, the white walls taunting him

"You're as empty of color as we are", the walls snickered.

The organised state of his apartment seemed to only hint that no one - not one being of love - lived there. Itachi's heart had plummeted into his feet, his throat was dry and the tears...they pooled in his eyes. For some strange reason, they wouldn't fall. They wouldn't slither down his cheeks.

They wouldn't provide him with any relief.

This is what Shisui was talking about!

You're playing the victim because the meeting didn't go as planned.

Itachi undid his low ponytail, every step seemed to be of great effort. He was in physical pain - a heart he had thought he had abandoned was now shattered.

He had said goodbye to Shisui so many times. Itachi cringed in remorse. He discarded Shisui so many times...

And now, that Shisui said goodbye - the pain was immeasurable. The memories flooded him, crushing wave after wave.

Their first kiss... The night of the dance... His parents took a photograph when they were still happy.

Itachi ruined all of it.

Sasuke peaked his head out of his room. He could see the paleness of his brother, he could see the slumped shoulders. He worried, but perhaps it's what Itachi needed to ignite any form of emotion...even if that emotion is sadness.

"I'm guessing it didn't go so well", Sasuke said from the hallway.

Itachi looked at him with a blank look, he couldn't muster up an emotion; he couldn't muster up and facade.

"He...I... No. It didn't go well", Itachi muttered while walking to his room, "Don't worry, I'll be fine."

Sasuke wanted to enquire more about what happened - but his gut told him not to. Itachi closed his bedroom door behind him and Sasuke returned to his room.

Itachi sat on his bed, simply existing. The warm smile - now gone. His twinkly eyes - now black orbs.

His bubbly personality...now cold and distant.

So Itachi sat on his bed, reliving the memories of Shisui that were never to occur again. The feel of Shisui's hands on his skin. The feel of Shisui's lips on his own - the way Shisui felt inside him...

It was all gone. Gone forever.

"You're a narcissist Itachi."

That can't be true, he argued. He is constantly thinking about others - his brother for example. Everything came before Sasuke. Sasuke was his world - his reason for living.

Realization struck Itachi. Shisui wasn't talking about the general public... Shisui was talking about himself. And Itachi couldn't refute that... Much to his shame he always put his comfort, his pride before Shisui. Used Shisui to make the gray go away...

Itachi sat on his bed - lost in remorse and regret.

*****

Kakashi's room door closed and Itachi heard it. Itachi needed a distraction - he needed one badly. Something that could fill the hole in his heart. Kakashi never turned him down before - Kakashi would make it better. He would help take his thoughts off of Shisui - he would be his saving grace; even if for fifty minutes.