secrets - dreamnotfound

5

"your doing so well, george.", clay was helping me down the first step, i felt stupid, like my best friend was teaching me how to walk all over again. my legs were fine but my lungs felt weak. we were half way down the stairs when i was out of breath, i stopped and clay looked at me raising his eyebrow. "i'm fine, just lost my breath." i say, forcing a smile. 

i take a deep breathe in and wince at the pain. i look up to clay and see his gorgeous side profile, he had a few hairs that fell in his face and covered his beautiful eyes. i caught myself staring and immediately looked away. i carried on walking downstairs, clutching onto clay's arm. we reach the last step and i feel the cold floor hit against my feet.

"you did it! see you did it!" clay said, jumping around. he was being very dramatic but it was cute., i laughed and he copied. as clay's laugh turned into wheezing, my laughing turned into coughing and i clutched my chest. "george, i'm sorry, i didn't mean to." clay's face was painted with worry.

"i'm ok." i said through coughs. i calmed my coughing down and we both sat down in the kitchen. "what do you want to eat?" clay said while searching through cupboards, "we have cereal, toast, eggs, bacon, whatever you want." clay stopped searching the cupboard and smiled at me. 

what do i do? i don't want to eat anything. "um, can i have toast please?" i say, staring at my feet. "of course, what do you want on it? butter? jam? nutella?" clay said while placing a piece of bread into the toaster. "butter please." i say, smiling up at him. clay walks over to the fridge and gets out a tub of butter. after a few minutes the toaster makes a sound showing the bread is toasted and it pops up. clay grabs it, throwing it quickly onto a plate trying not to burn himself. he spreads butter onto it, making a scraping noise with the crumbs against the knife. 

he takes the plate along with a bowl of cereal he got for himself and sits next to me. "how do you feel?" clay asks in between spoonfuls. "ok, my chest hurts but i think I'll be better by tomorrow." i say, sniffing my toast taking a small bite. clay had finished his cereal, "i'm just going to the bathroom. your ok here just for a minute?" he asks, getting up. 

"yeah." i say with a small smile on my face. clay walks over the bathroom and i hear the door lock. i quickly walk over to the bin, tipping the contents of my plate in the bin. i kept a few crumbs to make it seem believable. i placed the plate next to the sink as clay walked back in. he grabbed me from behind and gave me a hug. his chin was resting on my head and his arms were wrapped around my chest. he began sway side to side and i started giggling.

i turn around and clay drops his arms. "hey." i whisper, our faces an inch apart. "hi." he whispers, getting even closer. i felt a cold hand rub my cheek. i stared into clay's beautiful eyes, i could stare at them for hours, i bought my gaze down to his lips, soft and pink. they were slightly parted. clay looks into my eyes. i can tell he's trying to tell what i'm thinking. 

we both slowly move closer and closer to each other. soon there wasn't a gap between us and our lips were pressed together. i felt a warm arm sneak around my waist, trying to deepen the kiss. it felt really nice. i closed my eyes, trying to enjoy the moment. the taste of cereal still on his tongue. fireworks were going of in my stomach, this felt right.

the kiss lasted a few extra seconds before i pushed him off me. "oh my gosh, i'm sorry." clay said. i was just staring at him. i saw his mouth moving, saying words, but i couldn't hear anything except my heartbeat. i couldn't believe that happened. i wanted it again but i knew it was wrong of me. clay didn't deserve someone like me.

still not being able to hear clay i walked into clay's room. i grabbed all of the few belonging i had with me and walked out of the house.

outside was chilly. it wasn't as cold as in England but it still matched me mood. the wind was biting at my cheeks and a shiver went up my spine as the wind tangled itself through my hair. i looked around, desperately trying to find where i live. i took out my phone looking on google maps and followed those directions.

my chest was aching and my head was spinning. i couldn't think about what happened. i was confused. confused about how i felt. it felt so good when it happened but clay deserved someone who can be there for him.

i looked up to see my house in front of me. i sighed before knocking on the door, i was going straight to sleep when i got in. my sister opened the door and gasped when she saw me. "heather! how do you feel are you ok?" i say as my head clears and i can hear my surroundings again. 

"you need to leave. mum and dad are pissed at you for not helping with the furniture." heather looked worried. "no, i need to make sure nothing happens to you again." i say pushing past her into the house. there was now furniture everywhere, family pictures of us all smiling, a bouquet of flowers in a vase. to other people we would look like a normal, happy family. my dad spots me and comes running over, "george. why did you disappear for 2 days? we had to get all this furniture by ourselves, i hope you can explain yourself."

anger bubbled inside me, "well actually i almost died so i was at clays house." i said, snapping at him. he did even care i was gone he only scared that i didn't help unpack. i went upstairs to try and not get hurt today. on my way past i glanced into other rooms, full of furniture and luxury beds and wardrobes. i reached my room, excided to see what it would look like with my new bed. 

there was a mattress. i walked over to find it had a hole in it. i layed down on it nevertheless, i turned trying to find a comfortable position. i grabbed my coat and used it as a blanket as i rolled up my hoodie, using it as a pillow. 

i start thinking about what happened today, and it was only lunch time. clay kissed me. or did i kiss him? im not sure, it was all so quick. i wish i could taste the same sweet taste again, hold him tight and- wait? do i like him? no, I'm straight, i like girls.

i soon drifted off to sleep, thinking about clay and wishing i was in his warm arms.