Antidepressant | A Stydia AU [1]

Airplane Mode

Chapter One | Airplane Mode
•.•.•

"Lydia Martin! Please open your door. We need to talk. Lydia please!"

      I ignore all her callings and all her begging until I couldn't take it anymore. I slam myself across the wall, slowing sliding down to be able to sit down, with tears running down my face. My emotions overwhelm me and the only way I know how to release them is by yelling at someone. To make them understand how I feel. But I am too exhausted for that, so instead, I sit with my bare skin touching the cold floor as I await for my pain to go away. The closest substitute I will have that is close to the weather of my heart. Cold, with a chance of a disaster appearing any time now.

"Lydia. Please talk to me. I'm sorry. But we need to do this! Please open your door." My mother begs repeatedly.

As I begin to focus on my mother's demand, my thoughts in which once were reminiscing the good days are now exploding and I yell for help. My thoughts are recollecting all the faults I've done from my adolescent memories to my young adult experiences. In the end, I can't help be wonder what would happen if all my faults never happened. What if? My favorite and most frequently asked question.

     The knocks on the door are too much for me to handle so I get up, but I pause as I ponder whether or not I am calm enough to confront her. My hand slowly hovers above the doorknob of my room. As it reaches the doorknob, I wipe my tears and take a deep breath.

       "Oh, Lydia! I though you would avoid me forever. Thank you for letting me in." I can't take my mother's relief at this moment. I just wanted to her hurt emotionally— She doesn't deserve this treatment though.

       "I'm not letting you in, mom. I'm going out." I retort harshly as I swiftly avoid her and exit my bedroom door.

       "Lydia, we need to talk! We're leaving to Beacon Hills and it's inevitable, okay! Lydia! I know you don't like the thought of leaving everything here, but it's for the best." Her yells become more distant, but the echoes from the hallway still lingers.

      For the best? She thinks that I could just forget about everything that happened here. Try to live a new life? Try to meet new people? No. I'm not doing that. I know I'm a new person, but that's the only thing changing in my life.

      "I'll going outside whether you like it or not. If you want to talk about it, then we'll talk. Just give me time to think."

     Before she can say anything, I run out the front door and tug my hood on my head as I let my legs walk willingly to the sidewalk. I don't know where I'm going, but anywhere away my house is fine by me.

      Thinking comes best when it's combined with silence; walking in the middle of the night, with the calming breeze blowing against your neck. I somehow come across a park I used to go to when I was little. I used to be so entertained with the swings, loving the feeling of butterflies as I went up and down, trying to reach the sky. But now it just leaves sweet-bitter stains my memories. I remembered playing on the monkey bars, thinking the the floor was lava. How I slid down that slide and discovered my first childhood crush. But now I've grown, and the things I loved are gone now. Everything is gone.

      "Lydia?" I don't respond because I already know that innocent and delicate voice. Kira, one of my best friend. I simply release a deep sigh.

      "Do you want to get something to eat? I know your starving." Kira always knew where I was and what I wanted. She was like another half of me.

      Reluctantly, I get inside her car and the car ride is silent for a while. I enjoyed it while it lasted.

      "Lydia. I just want you to know that it wasn't your fault, okay. I know you think it was, and I know that nothing is going to change even if I said that."

     "If you knew that, then why did you say it?" I snap.

      "Because this isn't you! The Lydia I knew was so invigorating and full of joy. And—"

      "Now, I'm not Lydia? Is that want you're saying? Because if it is, then you're right. The old Lydia is never coming back. I've learned from my lesson" I stare at her as she focuses on the road. I begin to notice how she is Quickly blinking away the tears.

      "The point is that I miss the old Lydia. She always had hope!" Kira explains passionately.

"And look what it brought me! I wasn't hopeful; I was naive." I glare at her, but she continues to look at the road.

  "Lydia, I knew it would take time for you to accept the fact that—"

      "Don't say it." I interrupt her, glaring at her as a warning to stop talking.

      "Lydia! It's been 2 years. You need to move on."

      "Okay, that's it. Stop the car." I am getting sick of everyone nagging me. Telling me what to do. I can't take it.

     "Lydia—"

"Stop the car!"

      "We hide for the idea of being found afterwards." Kira adds before parking to car, and continues, "We don't hide just to be hidden from the world forever, but for the excitement that happens when you're found. It's like hide and seek." She stares at me and I pause. When the fuck did she become a therapist?

     I stand there with no trace of words coming out of my mouth. Then, after I recovered, I instantly get out, slam the door, and give her a signal that she can leave. I reminisce on what she told me as I finally arrive back home. Normally, I would sleep at Kira's house whenever I fought with my mom, but now, I'm surrendering to my mom.

     A week later passes, I pack all my stuff and head to the airport with my mom. The plan is to live a new life and forget about the past. I don't say goodbye to Kira as I left my house because I am never good at saying it. I never wanted to say it.

As I aboard the airplane, I receive a text from Kira.

      "I know why you didn't want to see me. It's because you don't want to say goodbye. But it still would've been nice to hug you one last time. Well, for now anyways. I completely understand. Just to let you know, I snuck into your house and put something in your bag. Don't open it just yet. Do it when you arrive to your new house.

      Love always, Kira."
Read, 5:34 PM

     Before I could text her back, a fly attendant tells me to put my phone on airplane mode so it won't affect the airplane. I'm not one to listen to other people, but if it's for the safety of others, I will.

     "Welcome travelers. We will arrive to our destination shortly. Please follow these instructions to promote safety and experience the greatest of services during this plane ride."

     "I hate being in an airplane. I never have space to put my feet up and lay down. I always get dizzy, and I can't do anything fun." I whisper to my mom.

     "Don't be such a downer." She smiles and adjust her neck pillow.

     "Do you even know me?" I remark.

      "Can we just start new? I mean let's just enjoy. This is Beacon Hills, California. It can't be that bad."