Warmth

▪ 8 ▪

"No. This is a bad idea." Phoebe said forcefully.

"I don't care." I said stubbornly.

"You know he'll reject you!" She exclaimed. "You literally heard him with your own ears. Then why would you still ask him out?!"

"I've to hear it when he says it to me. I'll make him say it in front of me, on my face, in front of the whole school!" I seethed in trembling anger.

"You're crazy, Sasha. His words won't make you feel any better. They'll only hurt you and him as well. Why do you want to get hurt so badly?"

"I need to do it!" I was seeing red. "Because I know it will hurt him too."

"Sasha, look at me," Phoebe held my hand. "Forget about him. He isn't worth it. This is madness."

When I saw her pleading eyes, I softened. "I will. I'll forget about him. But after I do this."

With that I got up from my seat without letting her say another word to stop me.

_

After the bell rang, all the doors of all the classrooms opened and kids started coming out, filling up the hallway. I was already standing, leaning against my locker with silent determination as I didn't attend my last class.

Through the bustling hallway, I saw him coming out of his classroom with his friends along with that strawberry blonde girl, smiling with them happily. I felt a pang of sheer sadness and pain seeing his smile; after today I'll never see it ever again.

"Nathan!" I screamed out his name.

Almost all the kids in the hallway stopped on their way and started looking around to find out who screamed like that. Startled and surprised, Nathan's deep grey eyes found me in a couple of seconds and soon, everyone followed his eyes too. All the students stood still with a grin on their faces to watch the drama unfold. Almost everyone in school knew what I did last night, I guess.

I didn't care one bit.

I saw him coming towards me with hurried steps, asking the kids to step aside from his way politely.

"Sasha, what're you doing?" He asked me urgently and looked concerned. "Is anything wrong?"

"I have something to confess." I said louder than I normally do. I stared straight into his eyes intensely. Something shifted in his expression as I realized that he had caught on. He wasn't the smartest student in the school for no reason.

"Let's go talk somewhere else." He held my hand and said softly. This was the first time he held my hand. And it was so warm just like I imagined.

I lightly shook his hand off. "Do you remember the first time I talked to you?"

"Yes..."

"I asked you for your chemistry notes. But the truth is, I never gave a fuck about chemistry. I was already pretty good at it. I just wanted an excuse to talk to you."

He said nothing. But something about his expression told me that he was already aware of it by now.

"I've been watching you for a long time now. And I loved everything 'bout you. How you could answer every single question the teacher asked. How you asked questions that no one didn't understand except the teacher. How you'd help your friends with their studies. How you'd let your friends cheat off of your paper during exams. How you always talked to everyone so politely and formally."

He stared at me silently with mixed expressions.

"I loved your voice. I loved the way you think. I loved how you would talk so passionately about the things you loved..." I took a deep breath. No, I couldn't cry now.

"But you never saw how much I cared, did you? It was always me who had to text you first. It was always me who wanted to hang out with you. You came late and I never minded. You talked, I listened. You hardly asked how I was doing. You never called me, you never texted me even though we were friends. You said it yourself that we were friends then why was it always me who felt that there was something different between us? You remained distant towards me and made me look like a desperate idiot. But I didn't mind, y'know." I let out a dry chuckle. "I was happy as long as I was with you. Like a puppy who always ran after you. I was satisfied as long as I could spend time with you..."

"Sasha..." Nathan muttered for the first time. It sounded so desperate, I didn't know why.

"But I don't want that anymore." I said firmly with burning fury. "I want more. That's why I wanted to make this confession today." I took a deep breath with closed eyes.

"Sasha, please, don't do this here..." I heard him whisper.

"Why?" I whispered back, smirking darkly.

I started loudly. "I've been in love with you since the moment I saw you. You've no idea how much I've loved you all this time and I still do."

Nathan looked at me stunned as if he was expecting I was going to back out in the end.

"Please accept my love! Even though I'm a scary looking grunge, please accept me!" I added coldly with a stony face. "Will you be my boyfriend?"

His eyes widened in horror and shock. I could see it in his eyes; he knew that I heard him and his friends back there.

"I'm sorry, Sasha..." Nathan uttered softly and immediately whispers and murmuring started around us. "But I can't accept this."

"And why not?" I asked, clenching my teeth.

"Please stop this, Sasha..."

"I asked why not? Why can't you date me?!"

"Because you're not good for me. And for my future." He let out in frustration. "I can't like you. I can never like a girl like you. So please, stop..." The strawberry blonde girl came and stood beside him. She clutched his arm and looked at me with her wide, doe eyes.

"I understand. That's what it is then..." I mumbled and gripped my backpack tightly before walking out of the hall.

"Wait, Sasha!" He called out after me. "But I still want to be your friend!"

I turned around and looked at him. For the first time, I saw raw emotion in his face and if I didn't know any better I would've mistaken it for desperation. I saw the girl beside him holding him tighter as if he'd come after me if she didn't. But I knew he wouldn't.

"Don't you get it?" I said as my eyes were brimming with tears. "I don't wanna be your friend. Not anymore."

After that I ran out of the hallway, leaving a stunned Nathan behind me with his fated love.

_

Word count: 1103