DESTINY [VSOO]

Destiny

The condensed water dripped down the glass of lemonade onto her thick journal. 
She hadn't written in it in four months. She just couldn't bring herself to do it. Her insides felt hollow, as dramatic as it sounded. That was the perfect word to describe the chronic emptiness she felt within her.

Her thoughts flew back to that day. One of the worst days of her life. After the walls of grief had stopped crashing down on her...this is what she had been left with. It had scared her at first. 

She had never been one to be heavily affected by others or overtaken by emotion. She preferred to live in the spur of the moment. But he had definitely taken a toll on her, unexpectedly.

At first it had started to affect her work. Her members had expressed concern several times but to no avail. She wasn't comfortable talking about her feelings and she guessed that they weren't exactly sure how to approach her either, given the fact that she had never been like this before.

As time passed she grew annoyed at the people close to her. Their silent whispers behind her back, their looks of pity, their overstretched acts of kindness. As if she were a broken child.

She had given herself a pep talk and decided not to show any weakness anymore. She kicked herself for letting her emotions affect her professional work.
She was now back to the person she was...at least at first glance.

Just as she was supposed to drink a warm cup of coffee on a cold and dreary day like today, she was supposed to be alright now. But in reality, she drank lemonade, it's bottom half filled with big cubes of ice.

Jisoo dabbed her sweat flushed face with a face towel. Her teammates sat panting on the dance floor. Lisa got up and reached for a bottle of water. They had been practicing since morning.

They would be touring the world in a few weeks. Everyone had to be at the top of their game. She still had to pick a song for her solo performance. It was harder than she had anticipated. No song she had come across felt right to her.

They all walked back to their rooms after a day of hard work. In half an hour she was snuggled in her bed, wearing sweatpants and her wet hair soaking the pillow.

She put on her ear buds and clicked on a random spotify playlist. Rihanna, The Chainsmokers and Kendrick Lamar played through her ears before suddenly landing on Zedd. Her eyes widened at the familiar beat. She had completely forgotten about this song. 

If our love is tragedy why are you my remedy 
If our love's insanity why are you my clarity

It felt like her tumbling emotions for the past several months had been put into words. 
She suddenly felt her emptiness dissipate to be replaced with strange streaks of nostalgia and longing.
This would be her song.

Another month flew by until pictures of him appeared in the media. It was award season. Much to her dismay it was impossible not to see him everywhere, given the immense popularity of his group.

The first few images of him startled her. He had lost all his baby fat. His cheeks had sunken in, accentuating his cheekbones and giving him a much more mature look than she remembered. His neck looked thick and veiny. 

But it wasn't his physical appearance that surprised her. His expression was unreadable. His eyes looked cold and weary. The friendly demeanor he had once had now turned into something that was unapproachable.

She knew he had suffered a personal loss months back. She had sent her brother, feeling both that it was inappropriate for her to go as well as being fearful at the thought of seeing him again.