Once Upon a Dream

~6~

Recently, on Monday, March 11, I had a set of interesting dreams. I was just coming out of a series of days where I was searching for answers, and not just any answers but specific answers. I did not get the answers I was looking for, but I felt like I came to learn some lessons, that if applied, can benefit me greatly in my life. 

I went to bed pretty early, but I slept until around 6 pm of the next day. I don't tend to sleep for so long, which made the occasion very interesting. In between my sleep I would wake up for a few seconds, think about what I had just dreamed, and then go back to sleep.

There are two dreams in particular that I still remember. (Maybe that's a sign, lol?) 

Another interesting think about these dreams is that I felt as though I was watching possible future scenarios and then hearing commentary on these situations in regard to the current standing of my life. 

DISCLAIMER: THIS CHAPTER ONLY CONTAINS THE FIRST DREAM!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The first dream had to do with my relationship with my boyfriend. My boyfriend is very proactive and frequently embarks on new journeys to further grow and make an impact on the world. This coming year in particular, he will be taking on a position that will be very demanding of his time and presence. In preparation for this new portion of life, where I'll spend less time with him, I decided that I'll take on my share of responsibilities, so that I can be as productive as I can while we are apart. I was planning to start a business, join a choir, run a school news show, and other things. 

In this dream, I was walked through a future possibility that could result from the new responsibilities both my boyfriend and I would be taking on. 

I saw a fast-paced life, where both my boyfriend and I were busy, so busy to the point that we would not really see each other anymore. When I was available, he was busy, and when I was busy, he was available, so we would go long stretches of time without each other. This felt overwhelming, as I was tackling so many responsibilities and occupying all of my time doing things I genuinely wouldn't enjoy. I wasn't a very supportive girlfriend, and he wasn't able to be as supportive for me. 

As I watched these events play out, I realized that I don't want to live my life that way. After all, what was I running away from? myself? What was I being afraid of? being dumped? I've never heard my insecurities and anxieties be so loud. Could it be that my trust issues are that bad? Or do I struggle to trust when things are out of my control, which in this case is how my boyfriend decides to spend his time?

I asked myself these questions to no direct answer, but a specific response came to mind: "Just trust him. Why is that so hard to do when he's already given more than enough reasons to prove he's worthy of my trust?" 

Maybe this struggle isn't something that I experience with my boyfriend alone. I mean, what else do I pour excess amounts of anxiety in? Do my insecurities run that deeply? These are questions that I need to give some thought to. A life lived with focus on these only drags on. I don't want to be a hindrance to myself.

A friend said this to me, about a year ago: "You are always going to be the final box you have to escape."

The wall is me. The barrier between the mediocre version of myself that exists and the successful and accomplished version of me, is me. 

Maybe it's time to work on me, to get out of this final box that stands between me and the life I want. These two flaws in my character are not the only two that make my world turn upside down, for the worse at that. If I take the time to think, I can find several things I presently struggle with and make a list of all the things I must overcome. 

This dream was my sign to do something.

Idleness is a slippery slope of a deadly disease. It kills dreams, destroys all reason for hope, and crumbles opportunities for growth, development, and ultimately, success.

Don't be idle; do something!