Saudade 18+| completed

Chapter Trece

I am dedicating this chapter to levisdiedfreinds
I had so much fun reading their comments 😂😂 thank you for making my day ❤️
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I left and searched for Hanje. Who does he think he is? Arrogant asshole. I was walking around looking out for her when I spotted Jack. He immediately spotted me and waved at me. I didn't want that little jerk to get angry again so I just waved back and walked away. He looked at me confused but I just ignored him.

"Ah, there you are! I was searching for you all over the place." I ran up to Hanje, who was talking to Erwin and Mike. Moblit was training with the cadets. They clearly saw that I was pissed and angry. "Levi?", Erwin grinned and bit his lip.

I rolled my eyes and put a hand on my head. "I don't understand this guy's deal! What's his problem? He really is bipolar, or I don't know... severe mood swings. How can someone like him be a captain of a squad? He is the most arrogant person I have ever come across and ever will. I can't train with him, Erwin. I just can't. This dude gives me a headache. Severe headache. He really needs to work on his anger issues. Can't you just let me train with the cadets?" I had to let it out. Good. I took a deep breath and calmed myself.

Surprisingly all of the cadets and the three people standing in front of me were staring at me. No. They are not staring at me. They are staring at something behind me. "Are you done?" Oh, no! His voice as usual deep. He took a deep breath and stepped beside me. I still didn't look at him. No. I am just going to ignore him. Erwin started laughing and so did Mike. Levi was smirking beside me. Is he trying to portray me as a crazy girl! Stupid. Idiot. I kept cursing him in my mind. If he doesn't stop smirking I'm going to kick him in the balls for sure.

"I want to train with Captain Jack!" Everyone went silent. That's how it's done, Levi! Dumbass.

His smirk was gone and a frown covered his face. "(Y/n), Captain Müller has to leave the HQ very often. He is constantly traveling between the walls. I'm sorry but that's not possible." Erwin gave me an apologetic look and shrugged with his shoulders. No. I am not going to give up this easily. „What about Hanje or Moblit or I don't know Mike?" Levi cleared his throat and turned towards me.

„Hanje and Moblit have to train the cadets as you can see, cadet (L/n). And Mike has other duties and has to travel with Erwin." Does he think I am blind? „I am not blind, captain. I am well aware that they have to train the cadets. But I am also a cadet. Am I right, CAPTAIN!" I want to punch his pretty face and beat this stupid grin out of him. Calm down, (Y/n)! „You are not a cadet anymore, but a part of my squad."

WHA- No. No. No. This. I don't want this. Do I have to bear him EVERY DAY? „What! And who decided that?"

He kept a straight face. „Me."

„And when did you decide that, CAPTAIN?!" I could see his tongue moving up and down his inner cheeks.

„Right now." I can't believe this. A stupid arrogant little jerk. How am I in love with him? Why? I  glance over to Erwin asking for an explanation or objection. But that big old blondie just shrugged with his shoulders. Ah, Erwin! You are the commander here, please save me!

"You heard him. I also think that you will be a great addition to the Levi squad. He can be harsh sometimes I know, but he's a good guy." Good guy, my ass!

"I need you to sign some papers in my office, (Y/n)." He turned around pointing towards the entrance of the HQ. But I don't want to join your squad! We had already created too much drama, so it was better for me to stay silent. I followed him into his office. He didn't say or look at me at all. Levi opened the door for me to step in. I breathed in the fresh and clean air in his office. I walked up to his desk in complete silence. That's when I heard him lock the door. I turned around and he was standing just inches away from me. My back was to the desk, I didn't have anywhere to go. Levi was clearly still angry and annoyed. Serves you right, mister. His eyes just stared at me, as he inhaled long breaths. I tried moving to the side, but he put both of his arms on the desk to my right and left sides. Shit. I really didn't want to listen to another lecture from him.

"Tch. Captain Jack, huh?" He sarcastically clicked with his tongue. Click again and I will kick you! "You really thought I would let you join his squad or let alone train with him?" His head was now slightly tilted to the side and his breath was tickling my face. Our faces were too close.

"You are an asshole, Levi!" He deserved that.

"Really?" A smirk covered his face and his brow was lifted. "Yes. Really. You seriously have to stop bossing me around!" I rolled my eyes at him. "Then stop annoying me! And besides, I'm your captain that's my job." Noway, Sherlock! He smirked again. Ugh.

"Listen. I know I overreacted. But just trust me... that guy is not good for you." Levi's voice was softer and calmer this time. Why does he hate him so much?

"Not good for me? And what are you? YOU ARE ENGAGED FOR GOD'S SAKES, LEVI! Do you think what we did last night was right?" I had to let it out. This topic had to be mentioned sooner or later. I narrowed my eyes but not in anger but in distress and despair.

"You're changing the topic." No. "And you are trying to dodge it! Tell me, Levi. Are you... are you still going to... marry her?" My chest felt heavy. No answer. Levi kept looking at me and my lips but didn't answer. Why? Please say something! Please! There was no use. I sighed as small tears formed in my eyes.

"So... I should take this as a YES then?" Please say no, dammit! His eyes were fixed on me and didn't show any kind of emotions. He cupped my left cheek and let his thumb run over it. I wanted to free myself but just couldn't. Levi leaned forward and his soft lips touched mine. I tried pushing him away, but my body was enjoying the kiss. I put my hand on his chest and felt his heart beating fast. Why don't you say something, Levi? We broke off the kiss before it got too far. Small tears had fallen on my cheeks. Stop crying in front of him, (Y/n). Our foreheads were resting against each other. Why am I having this weird feeling in my stomach? What is happening?

"I'm sorry."

What? For what? Is he...? No. He can't do this to me! My eyes widened and I looked at him completely broken inside. I should've known better. What a fool, I am! He never loved me! I was just one of his challenges. He hates losing. My head was hurting so bad. What have I done!

There was a knock on the door. "Levi! It's me, darling! The door is locked." Petra. I pushed Levi, who was still looking to the ground, away from me.

"I should've known. We were never meant to be."

Unlocking the door, I looked Petra in the eyes. She was shocked to see me and raised her brow. I ignored her and kept walking to my room.

I had stayed in my room till dinner time. When Hanje came to ask me about lunch, I pretended to be asleep. I needed the time for reflection. Reflecting on everything that had happened. I remembered my childhood. Me, Levi and our friends. Even though it was hell down there, we always had fun. Fun. When did I have fun or even laughed the last time? But I'm not alone in this hell. There are thousands and thousands of people who are living in much worse conditions than me. I should be thankful for everything I have. But I'm still not happy.

He stole it. My happiness.

Did he really? Did I even possess something called happiness? There was still much confusion in my head. But I knew one thing for sure. I have to get over him! I couldn't let him and my emotions drag me down.

I am here to fight and not to love.

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Heyo!

Emotional chapter 🥲😩
And also happy birthday to our simp Mikasa 😙

And thank you SO MUCH FOR THE VOTES/VIEWS/COMMENTS! 🤍

Till next time
-L.A