A Second Chance

26

TW's:
-Mentions (description) suicide attempt
-Mentions abuse/self harm/bullying
-Mentions hospital/coma/stitches
-Panic attack

Days passed. George had been in a coma all these days and I was with him in the hospital every single day. I would just sit there, telling him about funny things I had experienced in the past. I didn't dare telling him stories when he was awake, but now I did. He could probably hear me the doctors told me, he just couldn't move and talk at all. I hoped he liked my stories.

'I think my grandpa never laughed harder than that day,' I said finishing my story.

I was holding his hand and kissed it shortly.

'I love you, George. I know you hear me. I would love you to wake up, but I know that will take a while. The doctors told me you will probably survive, I was so happy. I want to talk to you again, I miss you around me.'

I looked down at our hands locked and I suddenly startled. He squeezed my hand really weakly, but he moved his hand.

'George? Can you hear me?'

I saw him squeezing his eyes a little, this went on for minutes long and after half an hour he very slowly opened his eyes. I had called a doctor and his parents were also here now.

George looked around him, blinking a lot.

'C-C-Clay?' he whispered with a very hoarse and weak voice.

'George,' I smiled and I squeezed his hand. 'It's me, Clay.'

'Clay,' he whispered again with a smile on his face. 'I-I-I-,' he tried.

'Calm down.'

'L-l-love,' he said, taking a deep breath. 'Y-y-you.'

'I love you too, George,' I whispered.

'R-r-really?'

'Yes, a lot.'

'F-f-forgive m-me?'

'I did.'

He nodded slowly and smiled shyly. 'Love l-l-lot.'

'I love you a lot too, George.'

'S-sorry.'

'It's already fine, I'm not mad at you at all anymore. Only very sad that you tried taking your life. I have been really scared.'

'M-me t-t-terrible a-and m-mean.'

'No, you aren't terrible and mean. You just did some stupid things, but it's alright.'

'I'm b-bully.'

I kissed his cheeks and held his hand tightly. 'You aren't a bully, it's okay.'

George started crying and he couldn't stop anymore. I held him tightly against my body and kissed his forehead.

'I w-want d-die,' he whispered. 'I-I hurt l-love my l-life.'

'George, it's fine.'

It took me a minute to realise he was having a panic attack and he started breathing really fast. He looked at me in pure sadness and I kept kissing his hand. He was softly muttering how badly he wanted to die and how sad he was he didn't succeed his attempt.

After a while he was still panicking and no one knew what to do. He cried a lot and he was hyperventilating. I held his hand and kissed it again, rubbing through his hair.

'Calm down for me, please.'

'Why I-I f-fail?'

'Fail what?'

'S-suicide.'

'I'm very happy that you didn't succeed, I don't want to lose you.'

'I-I'm terrible.'

'No, you're not. You're fine, it's all fine. I have forgiven you already.'

'N-n-no,' he cried. 'I-I- want t-to die.'

'George, listen to me. Look at me and try copy my breathing, okay?'

He nodded really slowly and tried his best to breath a little slowly. After a few minutes he had calmed down a little and I smiled at him.

'You're calming down,' I whispered and I kissed his cheek.

He smiled at me shortly and looked away. 'I'm so sorry, Clay.'

'It's fine, I love you.'

'You don't,' he whispered. 'You never want to be my boyfriend, you hate me. And that's fair.'

'I don't want to be your boyfriend right now, not when you're in hospital, but maybe later. I have forgiven you and I love you a lot. And I'm also a little in love with you still.'

'I'm so in love with you, you're so beautiful.'

I smiled and blushed, looking away flustered. George held my hand and kissed it. 'You're so cute.'

'You're making me flustered,' I whispered.

'I mean every single word with my whole heart. I'm so incredibly in love with you.'

'You mean that?'

'I do, I mean it for real now. My parents didn't even know I was gay until my suicide letter, but here you go. Mum and dad, I'm gay and I'm in love with him.'

I hid my face behind my hands and George grabbed them. He looked at me and smiled. 'Have you actually forgiven me?'

'I have, George. I can't stay mad in general, but you are genuinely sorry. You're so sorry that even tried taking your own life.'

'Trauma.'

'Do you have a trauma because of it?'

He nodded. 'I had such bad stomachaches and I was very nauseous. Before I knew I passed out, I want to know what happened after.'

His mum looked at him with tears in his eyes. 'We found you, sweetie. We heard a loud bang, because you fell on the ground when you passed out and we immediately called an ambulance. They pumped our stomach because you had taken probably twenty pills. And you had also cut yourself a lot before taking pills, so you were also bleeding to death.'

'Stitches?'

'Yes, you have a lot of stitches.'

'You were very mad at me,' he whispered with tears in his eyes.

'Because you did really stupid things, but you have been punished enough for it.'

'I got beaten up by Jonny and his friends, Clay,' George whispered. 'They kicked me for half an hour long and I was in so much pain.'

'You're safe now, okay?' I said.

He nodded slowly. 'Okay.'

'I love you.'

'I love you too,' George whispered and he held my hand tightly to his body. 'I love you more than anything in this whole world.'

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