Puzzle

Chapter 2

 Pain. All I can feel is pain. I can feel pain in my heart and my chest. Trying to keep the sobs quiet, I cover my mouth with my hand so no one in the house can hear me crying. All I can think of is what I did to deserve everything I got today. I gave them all the love I had inside of me. Those three people were everything to me. I gave them my whole heart and soul.

As I look at the pictures of us on my phone, I start crying harder and harder. I'm torturing myself with it, but I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know how to feel or react to my situation because I've never experienced anything like it before. I've never felt something as severe as losing the three most important people in my life in one day without any warning. I know there are people in the world who have experienced pain much greater than mine, but it still hurts.

I start to drift off to sleep when I get a notification on my phone. As soon as I hear the annoying buzzing sound I jump up to see who it is in hopes that it's Trent, Hailey, or Kami.

Instagram: Follow request from Tori_jones

Instagram: Tori_Jones would like to send you a message

I immediately thought back to today in the hallway when I practically trampled over her on my way to the office. From what I saw today she seems like a really sweet girl so I accept the follow and message request.

Tori_Jones: Hey girl, I know we just met today, but I saw you crying today and I wanted to check in on you.

Tara.bear: Hey, thanks for checking in. Some things with my friends went down today, thanks for asking though.

Tori_Jones: No problem. Anything you want to talk about?

I appreciate her asking me how I am after she saw me crying today, but I'm not sure it's a good idea to tell her anything because we just met today. I should probably keep them to myself right now, but I would love to talk to her more and get to know her.

Tara.bear: Nothing I want to share, but I would love to get to know you better

Tori_Jones: Sounds like a plan to me!

Tara.bear: Meet me in the cafeteria tomorrow morning? I'd like to be friends.

Tori_Jones: I'll be there. I'm going to head to bed. Goodnight.

Tara.bear: me too. Goodnight.

I turn off my phone and decide to take a hot shower to try and clear my head. I get my clothes and fuzzy socks ready to keep me warm after I dry off. I turn on the shower, wait for it to get warm, and then I get in. As the water pours down my body, I start to lose control of my breathing. My vision begins to appear blurry and everything sounds so far away.

Sit down, Tara, sit down. You need to breathe, it's okay. You're going to be okay.

I lower myself down onto the tile of my shower and close my eyes. Tears mix with the water and I can't feel anything except the tightness in my chest. I sit in the shower for what feels like hours, until my skin is shriveled up, and I finally gain the strength to get myself off the floor and turn off the water. I take a deep breath and wrap myself up in my towels. I'm so tired I decided to jump in bed wrapped in the towels and try to sleep.

...

Beep! Beep! Beep!

I'll never get used to the sound of the annoying screeching of the alarm clock. I hit the snooze button and laid in the bed with my eyes open for a while, thinking about how I'm going to face everyone. Thinking about my friends, or the people who used to be my friends, makes me want to cry again, so I get dressed.

When I walk up to the mirror, I didn't expect to look as terrible as I do. The dark circles under my eyes aren't even dark, they're black. My face and eyes are red and swollen. I look like a disaster, but I'm too sad to care. I throw up my hair and brush my teeth, then get in the car for my mamaw to drive me to school.

When she pulls in front of the school, I get out and go in. I look around and it feels like everyone is staring at me.

You look like shit Tara, of course they're staring at you.

I do my best to push the thoughts into the back of my mind and I hold my head up high in search of Tori. I spot her at the same time she notices me and I walk to her with the biggest smile on my face I can manage when I notice a guy standing next to her. This is the most beautiful man I have ever seen in my entire life. Just looking at him takes my breath away. He's tall with the most gorgeous blue eyes and brown hair. He smiles at me and my heart immediately starts racing, and I smile back. His smile makes me melt to a puddle at his feet.

Control yourself, Tara. Breathe. In and out.

"Tara, are you okay?" Tori asks me. I forgot she was here.

"Yeah, I'm great," I laugh, "I just got lost in my thoughts I guess."

The extremely attractive guy steps towards me and introduces himself. "I'm Adam, it's nice to meet you. Tori was telling me about you last night."

"I know how to hide a dead body!" I blurt out.

Oh my God I did not just say that to Mr. Gorgeous. He's going to think I'm insane and never want to be around me. What did I just do?

"Yeah, I do too," he laughs. He doesn't seem creeped out by what I said he just seems shocked and amused. I feel more relieved that he isn't running in the other direction. I got so overwhelmed by his beauty that I just said the first thing in my head, which is probably going to get me in trouble one day. That thought happened to be the first one into my mind because I watch a lot of murder mystery documentaries and read many true crime stories, so that's often on my mind.

"Well, Tara, this is my boyfriend Adam. We just started dating a few days ago," Tara explains to me.

My heart sinks when she tells me that because I already feel like I have a little crush on him, but I respect her and her new relationship. He seems like a nice guy and I would really like to become friends with them both. He gave me his Instagram account so we could text each other and we all sat down at a table and started talking about anything and everything. We asked the basic "get to know me" questions like favorite color, favorite food, birthdays, and things like that.

When the bell rings we all part ways and go to our different classes. I'm not sure if I'm ready to see Hailey during this class. I didn't see any of the three of them this morning because I was talking to Adam and Tori, but now I'm going to be on my own. I also have to face "I'm stupid so I need you" guy, and I'm not ready for all of the stress today.

When I walk in the door, it feels like everyone is staring at me again, probably because they are. I lock eyes with Hailey on the other side of the room, and I immediately tear my gaze away from her. I walk over to my seat and sit down awkwardly at my table when I notice that the guy I slapped yesterday isn't there.

"If you're wondering where Jordan is, he got in school suspension for a few days," one of the boys told me.

"Well, that's good."

"Yeah, it is. I'm Duncan, by the way." I'm not sure why he's being so nice and talking to me considering I almost gave his friend a concussion.

"I'm Tara," and then I think "well, you probably already knew that since our teacher screamed at me yesterday." He starts laughing and nods his head. He tells me about what happened after I left yesterday and how our principal called the teacher to explain everything that happened before I hit Jordan.

It's only been two days, but I feel like I'm already making some new friends. The pain from losing Hailey, Trent, and Kami is still right in my mind, but I feel like making new friends is going to help me through losing my three best friends. Duncan seems nice and I invited him to sit with Tori, Adam, and me at breakfast tomorrow. I know I still have a lot of healing to do, and I won't be able to get through the pain overnight, but surrounding myself with people will be helpful to me and help me out with what I'm going through.

I smile at the thought of being around new people. The past few years I never bothered trying to make any other friends because I felt like I didn't need anyone else in my life, but I feel this is exactly what I need.