Inside this cell

I thought it was innocent fun

I succumb to the pressures of the many conforming teens and their irresponsible drinking and began to become too intoxicated for my liking. Each mouthful felt like fire down my throat, I tried to convince myself this was the way of life, the way to happiness. I admit I felt slightly lighter, free from my own thoughts and worries, free from the bourdon of being my own worst enemy. The music was beginning to feed my soul, you know the moment that you feel like someone is literally reading your heart and mind and just knows exactly what to play, exactly what to say. I needed to find the person who was playing this music, it wasn't coming from the main set in the living room, I could hear it distant yet close. I tried walking steadily amongst my stumbles, which I'm pretty confident I made worse by actually trying to walk in a straight line. I made my way through the kitchen, through the large living area towards the back door, the music was becoming clearer. The smell of fire hit me as I walked into the backyard, there were people gathered in little huddles, one guy in particular caught my eye immediately.
He sat on the ground by the fire, a speaker sat next to him playing the song I was chasing. He was intriguing, unlike any other jock this town produced. He sat as though he was apart of nature, relaxed and at home despite the discomfort of the hard ground he lay on.
He dressed like a 90s grunge replica with hair that hadn't been brushed but looked effortlessly in place. I gravitated to him, and began stumbling with stride toward him. I stood over him awkwardly, as he looked up he looked confused, " Do you want to sit?" He said with a slight laugh in his tone.
It was at that point I realised I looked like a psychopathic killer who had found their pray for the evening. " Ah sure, I guess.. I think.. I mean yeah I do", God could I have been more ridiculous. He gave a side smile and moved over gesturing for me to sit with him. My face felt so hot, fairly sure It was my alcohol intake but also a feeling I hadn't felt before sat with me and intoxicated my thoughts. I knew I was capable of saying something that didn't make me look like a child but yet no words came to me. " Do you come here often" he said with a joking slightly sarcastic emphasis. " To be honest no, I don't ever come out to these things", I replied, " So why are you here then?" He looked with interest as he spoke.
All of a sudden I relaxed enough to articulate an actual response that wouldn't make me look like I was an anxious mess. " It's the end of the summer and I was dragged here by my best friend, but can you see him now?? No of course not, so now I'm stuck here in my most out of comfort zone place I could imagine".
" Ok, that was a lot in one sentence" he again said with that side smile I am beginning to be hypnotised by. " Have some of this, it might make the place more tolerable, relax and just fall into the ground". He handed me a bag of the most foul looking god only knows what, it looked like dried pieces of oversized tadpoles. " What do you want me to do with that" I said with a horrified confused look, " Eat it, take a few and just chew and swallow" He said so it so casually it was as though I was the last person on earth to have seen this.
I think I stared at the bag for an eternity, he didn't notice but I felt everyone was staring at me with anticipation and a timer running out on the sideline. I hesitantly took 3, it seemed that was a secure number considering I had no clue what this was and how it would make this horrid party any better. I cannot begin to explain the taste, it was the most repulsive explosion I had to almost swallow it whole so I didn't gag and spit it all over him. I drank his drink so fast without him even noticing, he handed me a cigarette, I hadn't had one before, it definitely didn't taste like what it smelt.
We sat together still awkwardly silent, " Do you like that song?" Remembering it was the reason I had initially even found him. "What song? He spoke so softly and fragmented. " I heard a song and followed it, you were playing it, it isn't what I expected to hear at this place".
I had always felt out of place in this town, no one related to me. I couldn't imagine living here forever, I knew I had to be something more, that my spirit was trapped here and it needed to fly.
" Yeah it's s alright, I don't listen to any of this shit they always put on, me and my mates just do our own thing".
" So you come to things like this all the time then?" I wanted to know more about this guy, but he is so foreign, he is so closed and every question seems like an interview.
" Not really, I just knew I could make some easy money from these idiots so why wouldn't I".
As naive as I can be I didn't ask any further questions about what he meant by easy money. I started to feel weird, the ground beneath me began to feel like a marshmallow, it was fucking amazing. I saw my hands begin to move in ways I didn't know they could, and this guy all of a sudden made sense, I too couldn't string a sentence together without it coming out in a five part series.
He must have noticed and laughed, and handed me his cigarette, " here have some of this it'll help", " Nah I don't think so I already feel weird I hate cigarettes",
" you have already had half " he laughed.
What the fuck, I feel good but completely out of control, I don't know where I am at the moment but the fire looks so warm I could literally wrap my arms around it.
He took my hand and pulled me up, " lets get out of here" I knew I didn't want to be there, but nothing felt right.
He started leading me through the crowd toward the front door. I saw Ronnie, he glanced over and gave me the look of a proud mother when her daughter took her first steps.
I pulled back, " No, no." I abruptly and aggressively snapped. " Just stop for a minute, I can't feel my legs, I need to sit".
He opened a door and took me aside.
I laid down on a bed that felt like an ocean dragging me out in its rip. Nothing I could do would make me feel like I existed, was I dreaming? It doesn't feel real.
He pulled me up and offered me a drink, I couldn't even move my arm to take it. He tried to take my jacket off, I had no means to resist. I spoke to him, I told him not to do it, I don't think my mouth moved I looked at him and expected him to hear me.
I was screaming, I was panicking, I was back in the room with my boss feeling frozen with fear.