Inside this cell

Shelby

The doors roll open with the most ear-piercing screech, then clunk shut never to be forced open no matter how hard one could try. In walks a woman, looks no older than 30. She has mouse blonde hair in a low scruffy pony tail. She stands there awkward, but also with a look like she may stab me to assert authority. ' What's your name?' I ask dominantly but also friendly, ' Shelby' she says in a soft but firm response.
' You can put your stuff up there, the bottom shelf on the wall is mine, you can use the top', I try to divide the cell. Again, she looks at me like I'm talking another language. ' I wont be here long anyway' she is quite adamant in her tone, ' Im only here visiting'. I try not to let her see my eyes roll with sarcasm, I'm learning everyone here thinks they're just visiting.
I let her settle and kept to myself, the doors no sooner begin to roll open with that mind altering screech that no one can possibly hold on to any thoughts while hearing this noise. We stand out the front of our cells, while awaiting the guards to tick us off like children on a school excursion.
We make our way to the lunch room, single file and pick up a lunch tray. The selection is as you can imagine, gross, horrible, poor, maybe ok if I slather it in butter and then gross again. Credit to the kitchen workers, they get shit all ingredients and are expected to make a 3 course meal with it, not sure I could do any better myself.
Shelby is trailing behind me, holding up the queue staring at the food, I'm not entirely sure if she is trying to figure out what it is?, or the buffet is talking to her and she's in deep telepathic conversation. I gesture quite obviously to her, ' Come on, hurry up' waving my hand rapidly trying to usher her my way. I grab a table and place my tray down, assuming she would do the same, to my complete dismay Shelby walks straight on past me as if I were invisible and she hadn't actually seen me guiding her to this exact location. I'm confused and almost intrigued as to what this woman is up to. She has now caught the attention of a few women in the dining area as she is walking like a zombie, almost touching every person seated as she brushes past them awkwardly close. She is nearing the end of the last row of tables and simply flops her arm holding the food tray down, she is stood still, hand now grasping an empty tray that is hanging vertically. Food has created a Picasso on the floor and not one item is identifiable anymore. The room was slightly silent for what seemed like an hour but was a mere split second, then an eruption of noise that sounded like a zoo of animals that had detected a storm coming. The screeching, the screaming, the yelling, the laughter all mixed together.
Amongst all the chaos I search through the jumping up and down of women and banging hands on the tables to see where Shelby is.
I see her stood in the exact same position, arms down beside her palms facing forward, I don't notice at first, but then I see that the dark colour red pooling on the ground is in fact not part of her destroyed lunch. As she stares at the wall intently people are now screaming frantically, calling for guards, nurses, anyone that can offer a clue of how to save this girl. I run toward her, pushing through the women standing watching as if they had paid for tickets to the show. I reach her as she collapses, I don't know why but I was overcome with emotion, I barely knew Shelby, but I couldn't help but feel partially responsible for what was happening. Did I not talk to her enough?, did I not see the signs she was struggling? All I could do was hold her at this point and hope she can find the will to survive, given the circumstances I don't feel survival was her main goal.
The guards come rushing in, I am pushed out of the way, covered in blood and not a moment to digest my thoughts. No sooner the guards arrived had they left, Shelby on a stretcher and not one single indication of what will happen next. On the outside, we could at least follow a loved one to a hospital, be communicated with from paramedics, doctors, nurses, here we are merely a number. Our emotions don't matter, it isn't even considered that we have made relationships in here. At first I wasn't interested in knowing anyone, I would never associate with women like this on the outside. Naive, I hadn't recognised i was one of these women. I soon came to learn that humans seek interaction, we need social stimulation for survival, its innate.
We walk back to our cells, a morbid silence lingers in the halls, no one is talking, making eye contact or even putting up a fight that we have to be in lockdown. I enter my cell not even connecting the dots that Shelby wont be there, her belongings still sitting on the shelf i allocated, her bed is made and on close inspection looks as though it wasn't even slept in.
I don't ever see Shelby again, she passed away that day in the cafeteria. I spent many nights laying in bed wondering why she felt she needed to leave this world. I came to see a small piece of myself in Shelby, I remember feeling the way she must have that morning, knowing this would be her last.