Dirty Little Secret

Chapter Sixteen - Pampering Kisses & Panic Attacks

Come on Nina, deep breaths.

I felt as if my lungs were on fire as I desperately tried to gulp for air. My chest was pounding, my palms were sweaty and the blood was rushing to my head, making me feel lightheaded and dizzy.

She's going to kill me, I'm going to die.

Oh god, oh god, oh god.

"Nina, hey!" Warm hands grasped my shoulders and I was momentarily snapped out of my daze as I looked up into Caden's worry filled eyes.

I blinked and tried to open my mouth to speak, but all that came out was a ragged breath. My eyes slowly drifted away from Caden's, my vision becoming blurry as I stared up at the grey sky behind him.

I felt weak, nauseous, like my stomach had lunged and the feeling remained. My breaths were coming out short and harsh and if it wasn't for the warmth of Caden's hands on me I would've thought I was drowning. Just like that night.

I gulped for air.

"Nina, look at me!" Caden's shout sounded distant with the constant ringing in my ears and I had a hard time focusing on his face, or faces actually. Why were there two of him?

Was I fainting? Was I going to die?

Not if she kills you first.

My mother. She was going to kill me.

I felt the bile rise up in my throat and I began dry heaving in between deep breaths.

"Nina, please look at me." His voice sounded desperate, he was pleading with me.

I couldn't move or speak. My body was functioning on auto pilot and the feeling wasn't an unfamiliar one.

It was the sole reason why I needed control over everything in my life; why I needed to make sure to avoid certain things. Things like violence, things like failing, things like Rose firing me, things like dragging my father's dead body onto the shore after watching him drown.

"Make it stop."  I begged, finally finding my voice, though the noise that came out of my mouth sounded strangled and unfamiliar.

"I'm trying." Came the response, voice thick with desperation before I felt something warm and soft press against my forehead. Then against my cheek, and my other cheek. Against my nose, my chin, my eyes, my hands and my head and I realized that I was being pampered with kisses before warm arms engulfed me and pulled me into a hard yet comforting chest.

Caden's scent surrounded me and I found myself calming down as I took deep breaths, inhaling his scent and allowing my body to relax under the warmth that his provided.

It felt safe.

"Shh, you're ok." He soothed me as his hands stroked my hair and his fingers drew lazy, calming circles on my back.

Deep breaths, Nina.

"You're safe."

You're going to be alright.

"I've got you."

He's got you.

"Water." I choked out.

Caden seemed hesitant to let me go, but finally pulled back to look at me, his face filled with concern. "I can't leave you like this-" he began, but I quickly shook my head and rasped "my bag."

Understanding dawned on his face and he finally released me, picking up my bag from the pavement beside us and retrieving my water bottle from it. He handed it to me before sitting down next to me. I gratefully took it, unscrewing the lid before letting the cold soothing liquid run down my throat.