Poison Ivy

Log 4

Disappointment, age 13, 2019

Prescription: Perfect truth (as outlined in log) one size fits all

Notes: I haven't been very disappointed in a long time, but I was today.

I've done this way too many times, but today I realized that I missed a fundamental emotion when I shut them all off about a week ago. Disappointment.

I was at school today, working on math, and the teacher came up to me. I a, in an accelerated class, (freshman math in 8th grade) and I am getting pretty decent grades in that class. Anyway, me and my group were working on exponential growth in terms of graphing. The teacher gave us a problem in which the growth was exponential, but we weren't supposed to find the rule for some reason, which would make it much easier. As a logical person, I was confused. In the context of the situation, it made sense to find the rule to more efficiently and effectively find the answer to the problem.

I wasn't trying to, but I had seen a rule for an exponential equation before, and I quickly figured out that the formula for the situation was Y=7(0.8) to the power of x. I , of course, told the people in my group, and we used the rule. The next time the teacher came to our group, a girl in my group (let's call her Daphne, I'm sure she'd prefer anonymity) told the teacher that we had figured it out. The teacher, surprised and seemingly slightly bothered, asked how we had done it so quickly. Daphne, who had basically become the spokesperson for our group at that point, told her that we had used a rule that we had come up with. The teacher, who we will call Ms. Granson (I'm sure she would prefer anonymity as well) told us that we weren't supposed to find the rule. When Daphne told her that I had come up with it (no hate to Daphne, she didn't deserve the heat and neither did the rest of my group)

She looked at me like I was stupid.

I'm not stupid.

Sorry, I couldn't resist making a Hamilton reference, as a tribute to me when I was younger. It is true though, I consider myself a smart individual, and she acted like I was stupid.

Anyway, she told us we could use the rule, but not to find the rules for the next parts of the problem.

And I wasn't disappointed in myself, I was disappointed in the school. For giving elementary students homework that forces them to make a diagram or draw something when they have the mental capacity to envision diagrams, and not giving them a choice on how to go about it. For overloading highschoolers when they are already expected to take advanced placement classes and do community service to get ahead in life. For teaching middle schoolers to use the inefficient method, and that the correct work matters more than the correct answer.

But most importantly, for teaching us all that their way is always the best way, and shortcuts should get points taken off, and that we have a use for everything they teach us.

Because that is a lie. And you know what? I knew if my emotions weren't shut off, I would be proud of the rule for that equation that I made. I still think I should be. But she tried to tell me I shouldn't be.

And that's why I was dissatisfied and disappointed in the educational system. This was clearly a problem, so I figured out how to shut off disappointment so that dissatisfaction and disappointment wouldn't shift to apathy. You have to repeat the following perfect truth to yourself (yes, that is a thing) "Nothing can be a disappointment unless I let myself be disappointed."

So that's how you shut off disappointment, and why I did so.

Hey guys! Quick (a/n) because it's 12:45 and I'm tired but I need to write this. 

Fun fact, this is actually based on a true story of mine, and Daphne actually represents a real person!(it's a pseudonym of course) Anyway, I'm tired enough that I want to go to bed but awake enough that I know this is coherent, so there's that. The teacher who I called Ms. Granson is very clipped and commonly irritated at school, although I have no idea what she's like in real school outside of a zoom call. This story happened over zoom, but I adapted it to an in person school situation, since I don't think anybody wants to hear about zoom school when we are all reading books to forget all of this. Anyway, about the whole Hamilton reference thing—I had to. If you guys think I should remove it though, I will. Anyway, love you all! 

Word count: 777 words