bughead || broken

35

The following Monday attendance was horrid , half the kids didn't even go to school out of sheer embarrassment , nobody really talked about it because everyone had secrets , you bring up someone's they bring up yours , and suddenly the hacker was like , gone , it was lunch and I was looking for the computer lab , were the computer club was "I have a a proposal for you all" they all nervously looked at me , "what would that me" "i want you guys to help me catch the hacker" "no way , we don't have the type of equipment" "individually no , that's why I'm asking all of you , put you're giant brains together and find out , and I'm return I'll gift you guys anything you want" "anything ?" They asked , "depends" "on" "what do you get out of this either way" "nobody deserves getting there deepest secrets violated" they nodded , "what would you guys want as a reward" I pulled out my notepad , for most of them was something sorta sad , like a girlfriend , or a seat at a lunch table , we talked there for a while collaborating theories and ideas, when the bell rang and I had to go back to poetry class , we had half the period to make a poem out of the top of our heads , that represented there current estate , then came to presenting , one thing I dreaded , I stood up and read to the 5 people who willingly took poetry , including jughead , "I wish I could see myself , the way you once saw me , I wish I could love myself the way you used to ,and as she laid in bed , staring up at her ceiling , lips chapped and eyes swollen , limbs weak and limp by her side , she wondered where it all went wrong , because she wondered how someone could do that to her , what ever she'd done to deserve this feeling of so much despair and grief" it got kinda of dark , after school I was on the bleachers Doing my home work when jughead sat next to me , "are you okay" "why wouldn't I be" "because you're poem just depressed our entire poetry class" , I nodded "I'm fine" "he said to write something that related to us , so I'm asking again , are you fine"
"Why wouldn't I be" he shrugged "I'm so discouraged , I'm throwing my life away doing god knows what" "you can't expect to be productive all the time" "that easy for you to say" I said , "how" "you could do anything and so many people would just praise you" "like who ? My alcoholic mom , or my dead sister ? My abusive father" "not in that sense" "so how was it betty" "I don't want to fight with you", "alright well I have to go" he said before he walked away I was home staring out my window for what felt like hours , when I saw a rock flying at my face from the other side of the glass , I looked out and saw jughead , I walked downstairs and opened the door , "hi" "let's go on a walk" I nodded and grabbed my jacket , "we were sitting at the playground on the swings "somethings changed in you , you feel distant" I didn't reply , "I don't know what it is but I'll leave you alone from now on if that's what you want" "the other day I was listening to this song , and I wrote down the lyrics " I said as I grabbed a crumbled paper from my pocket "somethings gotten into you , you don't really look at me the way you used to" we sat there for a bit , both not being able to make out a sentence , "I don't know what I'm doing anymore , but whatever it is it's making you unhappy as well , I don't want you to feel obligated into this relationship , I sense that you're unhappy , and I can't change that about myself , we've been on and off like a light switch for the last year , deep down I feel like I'm wasting you're time , and I can't bare to watch you love me while I can't commit to anything , everyday is the same , I'm my own cycle nothing changes , nothing to look forward to no one to talk to , it's aways the exact fucking same , every day is a replica of the one before that , nothing gets better , I'm trapped , in my own orb , and nothing fucking matters anymore , I have nothing but money and a pretty face" he nodded "I don't want to leave you with this kind of mental state" "that isn't you're concern , I'm not you're problem , not anymore , I wish I could wipe you're memory of my existence , but I can't , You can't handle my distance and I can't handle that it's hurting you, that's the last thing I'd want to do" , he grabbed my hand , "I know you could never hurt me" he said as he placed a butterfly hair clip in my hand "a long time ago I was in youre room and I saw this on you're dresser , it was out of line but I wanted to keep it" , I wiped the tear from my eye and slightly smiled , "this was my sisters , we both stood up and he slapped me , and my head started spinning until I felt the sensation of me being shamed rapidly , and I woke up "wake up"I heard jughead say , "what is it" "were gonna be late now" "late to what" "the party" "what party" I asked , "I don't know someone just threw a party and i texted you about it and you fell asleep after school so now we're late" "I just had the weirdest dream" "tell me about it in the car" , I got up and looked through my drawer to find my sisters hair clip , then quickly got dressed , "do I feel , distant?" I asked in the car , "sort of" "all my days are blurring into one I don't know what to do with myself anymore" "I think you're going through a identify crisis" "maybe" , we sat in front of the house the party was at "i really don't like parties you know" "want to go somewhere else" he asked , "you always seem to enjoy yourself,f at party's so I won't ruin that for you" "no let's go somewhere" "if you insist" I said , we went to a really big abandoned building and climbed up the fire escape , and sat on the roof and felt as the drizzle soon turned into pouring rain , we sat there for a while enjoying one another's company , "I'm really sorry for being so , distant" "I get it , you don't owe me a apology" I laid my head on his shoulder "I love you I really do , I just don't know how to express it" "I get it"