Aisles

Chapter 15

Remus started up at his ceiling, his gloom setting in.

"Remus, honey, you must understand that your father and I are worried-" Remus scoffed "-It is not practical for you to move countries with no one there to check you are okay,"

"Mary will be there,"

"You know it is not fair to put all the responsibility on her,"

Remus didn't reply. He knew his mother was right - at least in that regard. He just wished... he just wished things were different. He wished he'd never met Fenrir, wished he'd never descended down that route of self-destruction, wished he'd realised it sooner. Wished he could be 'normal', and could follow his school-friends to university. But in a way, the longing that Remus felt for things being different gave him a surge of motivation:

He would do anything to be 'normal' again, do anything to see Mary again, do anything to leave his home, where everyone was simultaneously walking on egg shells around Remus' 'problem' and Remus' father. Even the smallest reminder of why Remus was there, and not in London, was enough to send Lyall into a fit of rage and Remus into an episode of despair. (I'll spare you the details of what Lyall was exactly angry about, god knows it wasn't any rational reason).

Lyall had been ecstatic when Remus joined the rugby team; coincidentally, Fenrir had reminded Remus a lot of his father. When they'd had a particularly bad training session, and all Remus wanted to do was bury himself in his duvet, he had instead faced lectures and 'punishments' from Greyback - and then he would come home and receive similar treatment from his own father.

Ironic, isn't it? It was partly Lyall who caused Remus' 'problem' but also Lyall who spurred Remus' recovery - if only to get away from him. He had worked hard that year before leaving for university in in-patient programmes, group therapy, one-to-one counselling, the lot. His mother had been reluctant to stand up for Remus when Lyall lectured, but she had supported his recovery in the background. Sometimes Remus felt bad that he'd left her behind, but that was too much pressure to put on a teenager. It was okay that Remus put himself, and his own safety and well-being, first. It was one of the only times that Remus had done such a thing, and it paid off.

Remus still worked hard everyday to keep himself from falling back into it. It got easier and easier everyday. People like Mary were absolutely crucial, distraction was crucial, affirmations were crucial, prioritising Remus' well-being was crucial. It was all crucial in pushing Remus to the place he was now. A place where he could look back at where he came from and be proud of how far he had come.

--<>--

*Mystery Gang*

Lily: please please please can we turn this week's "Friday work drinks" into "Friday movie night"

James: anything for you my darling lily-flower

Sirius: cringe

James: don't be jelly Pads

Marlene: depends the movie. I can't see us ever agreeing

Lily: well... Frank has actually planned to make an appearance and has suggested a movie and I'm too pleased that he and Alice are coming to suggest anything else

Remus: what's the movie?

Sirius: wait can we guess

James: the game - what is the elusive Frank Longbottom's taste in movies?

Lily: sure !

Marlene: Jennifer's Body

Remus: brilliant movie