Aisles

Chapter 16

Friday, November 15th

Sirius was staring at the counter in front of him. He hesitated and then looked up and smiled gently at Remus,

"Don't worry about it,"

Sirius' phone buzzed from his pocket. He pulled it out, looked at it and then stuffed it back in his pocket.

"You missing a hot date for this?" Remus joked.

"Nah," Sirius said, his voice flat. "I'd never organise a date on a Friday night, that is especially reserved for this,"

"Every other night, free rein, though," Remus' voice came out slightly harder than he intended.

"Hmm," Sirius made a non-committal sound as his phone buzzed a few more times from his pocket. He sighed and pulled it out,

"Sorry, guess I have to take this,"

Sirius left the kitchen, leaving Remus there alone. He started after him as he left, thoroughly confused. But then he shrugged, and made his way to the balcony, pulling out a pack of cigarettes as he went.

"Can I have one?" Remus turned to see Lily unsteadily entering the balcony and he handed her one before lighting it for her. They both settled into chairs and sat in amicable silence - something about the balcony just necessitated a few seconds of silence before talking. Something about the view, something about the cold air. Who knows.

"Didn't know you smoked," Remus said, turning to look at Lily. As if to punctuate what he said, she inhaled and choked, coughing slightly.

"Only when drunk. I'll still lecture you about the risks of it whilst sober," Lily said, after she had recovered. Remus smiled at her. Of course she would - Lily was always so reliably Lily.

Something occurred to him, and he looked at her, thinking for a moment. It may be the alcohol talking, but this could be a good idea...

"Lily, you've known Sirius for a while now..."

Lily looked at him sharply and her mouth began to form a small smirk.

"Yes, since we were twelve. I went to James and Sirius' sister-school,"

"And so you know him quite well..."

"Yes, Remus, I would say I know him quite well,"

Remus turned to her, his eyes slightly desperate.

"How bad would it be if I kind of, sort of, maybe, just a bit liked him," He said it all in a big rush, too worried that he would lose his cool part way through.

"Oh, Remus," Lily discarded her cigarette and caressed his cheek with her hand. "It wouldn't be bad..."

"There is a 'but'. I hear a 'but',"

"If you are looking for how Sirius feels about you, that's not something I know nor would say even if I did. But, Remus," Lily hesitated. "I care about you a lot as a friend and I'd want you to go into it knowing what you may get,"

"And what might I get?" Remus' voice came out as barely a whisper.

And then Lily confirmed Remus' worries:

"Sirius hasn't ever... done serious relationships. The longest he's been with a person is maybe two months, before he gets... distracted," Lily spoke slowly, careful to do both her friends justice.

Remus let out a big sigh and blew smoke upwards. Yeah, sounds about right.

"I don't even know if he likes me like that, let alone assume he'd suddenly change for me," Remus murmured. He didn't feel quite as heartbroken as he expected, though he reckoned that might come later. It was more like a confirmation of what Remus had been thinking about: if Sirius liked him back, if Sirius suddenly changed what he wanted from relationships, if Remus could compromise on that. Too many ifs.