Hopeful Fear

Memories

Una woke up at 11 AM which was very late, at least for her. Well, considering how long it took her to fall asleep in the first place it is no wonder she slept through the morning

She thought about listening to them last night, but that was stupid because they would have heard her. The option she chose, the one to stay in a god damn bed, was horrible because she started to read some ridiculous posts on social media as she had nothing else to do. She also wanted to distract herself and not think about the whole situation. The moment she would remember them being vampires, tears would start streaming down her face, and she hated feeling weak.

It was as if her world divided into two parts, one being all sunshiny and bright, and the other being pitch black, heavy with rain and dangerous storms. Funny how tables have turned, vampires were not just a legend anymore, but staying positive was. Their mere presence sucked the air around her making it hard to breathe and she had no bloody idea how to deal with the whole situation.

Running away wasn't an option, they would find her without a doubt, and staying was unimaginable at the moment. The only way was to go from one second to the other and see how everything will turn out. 

She dressed really slowly and then went to the kitchen to drink some coffee.

To her big surprise, there were some new items laid out on the table, a shinny credit card, some fresh food for breakfast, and last, but not least, a beautiful coffee maker posing on the nearby shelf.

The smell of coffee was delicious and she paid attention to every single detail during the preparation, temporarily forgetting the hidden misery. While the machine worked its magic, she went to read a small note that was left for her next to the groceries.

It only said, "I left these for you, feel free to use them. Madeleine".

There were some instructions about how to sign the receipts but that was it.

After the coffee was done, a breakfast ritual could begin. Pastry, being all delicious and fresh, helped with the process of stepping into a disturbing territory of doubt and fear, while warm coffee offered comfort and a drop of happiness. She loved seemingly insignificant daily rituals because they can quietly offer a ray of hope. 

Speaking of the disturbing territory, the image of Luke appeared suddenly in her mind. His intense eyes, strong body, and predatory presence revealed a promise of violence which was something that Madeleine lacked, for example. Una assumed he is either older or more powerful than the female, but she couldn't be sure.

He is also quite handsome, however, she couldn't even perceive him as a sexual object. There was this expectation he could attack at any moment, or scare her to death for that matter, so seeing him as anything other than a monster was not an option.

On the other hand, her perception of Madeleine changed. Although her reactions were rash and uncontrolled, not to mention Una hated hurtful language directed at her, she seemed more dependable than her male counterpart. There was a weird sadness about her, something Una noticed yesterday, although she wasn't sure how, and any potential threat to her inner peace was unwanted. This is why Una somehow knew Madeleine will wait for the appropriate reaction, and not hurt her so easily. Trash talk was a lazy facade, a necessary distraction from her real issues.

Seeing the two of them through the light of her human mind was comforting to a certain extent. The beautiful taste of coffee combined with shy sun rays added more to this unexpected good feeling, so she cheered up a little bit. After giving it some thought, she slowly rose from the table and decided that going out was something she needed right away. A tiny battle against fear was falsely won, and this required celebration.

She took the credit card, dressed up in like ten minutes, and then went outside.

Zagreb was beautiful in winter, no doubt about it. She wanted to keep up her positivity as long as possible so a nice walk through the city's famous Christmas market was certainly going to be helpful.

She reached the main square in twenty minutes. It was almost 1 pm so all the little food stands were packed with people who used the lunch break to indulge in unhealthy, but delicious holiday treats. Burgers, colorful cakes, new craft beers, mulled wine, it was all there to be taken and enjoyed to the fullest extent.

There was a little wooden food stand hidden behind the fountain on the main square. Its rustic look offered comfort and a refuge, and Una decided to visit the place. They seemed to offer some rare delicacies so she ordered an interesting hamburger with blue cheese in it. Afterward, she sat at one of the tables in front of the counter in order to enjoy the food in peace. It was worth it because the view in front of her was beautiful with all those people laughing, hugging each other, making her crave attention and love, and she couldn't help but wonder if she will experience anything similar again. As soon as the thoughts started spiraling down the rabbit hole, she got up reluctantly and decided to visit the famous Upper town. Her pace quickened because she didn't want to pay too much attention to the surroundings. Narrow, twisty streets were not easy to navigate and old buildings threatened with even better, cherished memories, so she almost started running toward the main plateau. Fortunately, they sold alcohol there and she ordered a glass of white mulled wine as soon as she reached the first bar. This time she couldn't really escape history because the damn city was too powerful, too strong to resist. Another view, the one of a proud Cathedral, took her on yet another journey to the past when she was just an ordinary, scared little student.

During this period of time, she read so many books about vampires that it was difficult for her to go outside and have fun with new friends. Staying at home and enjoying the sensations of strong, but safe fear, was intense enough. She enjoyed the dance movements which were brought out by the feeling of helplessness and despair, as she struggled to prove to her imaginary monsters that, indeed, she was a valuable and worthy being. That type of fear was great to be confronted with because it wasn't tainted with any other negative emotions, such as hate or anger. It acted as a hook, perfect for reaching out deep into one's soul and bringing it out to the light. That fear said in a loud and clear voice-here I am, with every right to existence, ready to devour you. Show me how strong you are.

Man, how she wished for that fear to remain a fantasy, just a promise of something terrible. Now as it was real, she didn't know how difficult it will be to cage it and put it under control.

Her wine was rich, and tasty, and made her a little bit drunk. The Cathedral in front of her bathed in the afternoon sun, and its beauty combined with drunken relaxation was almost too much to bear.

It was almost depressing to leave the crowd and the cheerful atmosphere. The tram no. 14 came in 5 minutes, which it never does, so she was back to the cursed house in a short amount of time. It was 4 pm when she came "home" so there was still time until the night comes.

She went to the living room and searched the shelves for some interesting books to read. There was one about Marie Antoinette, which she already read as a child, so she took it with great care. Small particles of dust danced on its covers and she stared at the title with admiration. She clutched it to her chest and went to sit on the couch.

Fifteen minutes of reading warmed her heart but her tired eyes started closing soon. She fell asleep with the book lying in her lap.