Hopeful Fear

The Shadow

I wish I knew how to continue and how to really understand what is going on. I wish I had reflected on my own feelings before I let them run wild, completely unsupervised. You see, we all take feelings for granted, we let them run freely without taking the consequences into an account.

However, there are consequences and they affect not just us but also those who are, in some way, a part of our small world.

And everything we think or do makes an impact, makes the wave move and morph the far shore. The far shore we don't even see yet but know it's there laying unprotected and bare.

We should be aware of just how strong those waves can be, but we rarely are.

And that is how storms are made.

*****

The dance class was over at 10 p.m. and Una found herself walking alone on the dark, narrow street.  The sound of raindrops on the colorful umbrella eased her mind and she felt the adrenaline seeping away. Yellow street lights radiated a leery ambiance, but she didn't mind at all. They were a perfect interlude to shy, humble autumn.

Yet,  a disturbance rippled through the air and shattered the illusion of peace. A barely visible silhouette stood against the wall nearby. It was almost transparent-- like it couldn't hold itself in place to actually form a shape. It followed her across lonely gardens, quiet streets, and stone terraces.

And when she finally came home she didn't notice it following her inside.

*****

As the rain continued to pour and tap on the window glass, Una went to the living room and sat down on a big, red couch. From a small, wooden table in front, she picked up the book she was reading. Its title, The Vampire Myth, was written in bold red letters like it was daring her, challenging her once again. Her heart started racing and fear flashed like a lightning through her tired body. She wondered why she didn't just go to bed.

But it wasn't that easy, was it? The book summoned the seductive fear she loved so much and it was hard to resist the temptation as the adrenaline rose to the surface. Vampires gave shape to her worst fears-weakness, lack of control, helplessness, and despair--but they also gave her a safe ground to accept them. And that made her stronger with each passing battle.

"Why are you hurting me now? Can you please tell me what is happening?"- Una whispered to no one in particular as she was alone in the apartment.   

The effect of books and movies on her had changed recently. She started having nightmares that looked like horror movies in the haunted theatre of her mind.  She had studied the vampire myth for almost 20 years and she never had issues like these before. Vampires feeding on unsuspecting victims, stalking them like shadows in the already grim world--it all seemed too real when she dreamt of them while being incapable of running away. She was chained in her seat, right there in the first row, while the violent feedings made her heart frantically beat against her tight chest. 

"What are you trying to tell me? Why can't it be like before?- Una's voice shook with anger. She threw the book against the small table and it swayed with the impact. She felt guilty for a moment.

Maybe it was the time to pay the price for playing with fear. 

Tired and beaten, she went to the bedroom on the other side of the apartment.  She sluggishly removed her clothes and then went to bed without even taking a shower. She just wanted to survive the ordeal.

Again, she didn't notice the dark shape that huddled above the big, wooden closet.