The Blue Dress

The Blue Dress - Part Six

I watched as the girls around me rose from their velvet-clad chairs and shuffled off best they could to be reunited with their beaus or to scout the field of single guys. The butterflies within me shook my confidence. I thought I was ready for the romantic dancing but I was quite wrong about that. Cindy helped me to my feet and escorted me over to the middle of the floor, where my date and his friends waited for the girls to join them. His eyes wandered as girls passed him by, a couple making sure to taunt him for going out with the sissy.

I saw from a matter of metres away that he was laughing with them but that was probably the best approach he could come up with for dealing with the abuse he was getting. Still, I was the one in the dress! You would honestly have thought he was feminised by his family for the night, the way he had been acting here. He went beet red as he tried to deflect any embarassment.

Cindy insulted him under her breath. 'That no good c*** is making fun of you, Alice.'
I didn't believe it, I couldn't believe it. He had been so nice to me so far, he must have just been saying that to avoid the insults I had been hearing throughout the night.

I waited for the girls to go off with their boyfriends, dates or victims and then walked up to my own partner for the night. He shot me a nervous smile and offered a hug which I accepted but it felt colder than the one outside of the venue. He'd been shaken by the whole night, I could tell but I had no real sympathy for him. I was still the one being punished here, he had the plus of not showing up to prom single. And I thought I made an alright looking girl that night, one that a boy would want to see more of. It's not like he was with a guy in a dress, I was presenting fully femme.

The rector announced the worst part of her itinerary for the night - the first dance. They always have an obsession in Scotland of doing Scottish Country Dancing at important events and large, upmarket gatherings. For us, she had picked the 'Gay Gordons'. This was the worst one possible for me on this night. Most dances involve a row of girls and a row of guys skipping and dancing around each other in regimented patterns. The 'Gay Gordons' is different - it is reliant on couples. The man holds his female partner's left hand over her own shoulder with his right hand, almost like setting her up for a twirl. At the same time, they hold hands normally with the other like a bridge which allows for a fast dance. It can be quite overwhelming, I hated it at primary school and now they want me to do it in a dress and heels and taking the girl's role - something I had obviously not done before.

The music started as usual, with a delay on the CD and the upbeat fiddles playing a single note as my date and I got into position. It didn't take long to become a bit of a trainwreck. Having played the guy's role for years, I didn't really know the girl part's positioning or movements. The worst part of this was when we were told to change partners (which happens often), and I forgot that the girl is the one that moves! After a few seconds of hesitation, my friend pushed me forwards so that some blonde girl could dance with her. I stumbled forward and nearly fell on to the hard wooden dancefloor but recovered miraculously. I sort of wish I did fall just for what was to come.

The guy I was sentenced to dancing with next didn't even want to hold my hand, he spent the time cussing me out while the music carried on, and my heart sunk a little further into my stomach. This was one of the worst experiences of my life so far, everyone just seemed to hate me. And of course, it looked like a joke. People thought I had lost a bet or it was a punishment and even though the latter was true in principal, I didn't feel like I was being punished with the dress. The punishment was my peers' reactions to the whole situation.

The misery of the dance carried on but in different ways. My next dance partner was one of my date's group of lads. He was far too rough with my frail little arms and he left burns on my wrists as he finally freed me from his vice-like grip. Surely the dance was nearly over, they couldn't carry on this torture forever.

Well, the next guy decided to put his hand on the small of my back and sneakily pinch my rear. That was the most nervous I felt because he hadn't done that with any other girl he had danced with. Again, I just felt like a target throughout this torture.

The penultimate partner of pain proceeded to lift the hem of my dress but my quick reflexes in the moment meant people only saw the top of my thighs and maybe a glimpse of my underwear. But the worst was saved for last as my night and my body came crashing down.

Another one of my date's (and therefore my) friend group actually did his best to dance it normally, it was the most fluid set of the dance I had completed. At the end of these dances, the boys all take a bow while girls all curtsey. Well, as I turned to perform a curtsey the best I could, this guy stood right next to me and stepped across as he bowed. As I was finishing my curtsey and straightening my legs once more, his leg ended up between mine. I tripped and fell hard on the solid floor, my exposed knees taking the brunt of the damage. My ankles also stung as my heels made for an awkward landing.

I didn't feel like I had broken anything but I was in pain. And all I could think was 'if I cry now, they win. The harmful guys, the stuck-up girls, the disapproving teachers, they all win.' Even as I could feel a tear building, I held it back. My friend saw the fall and looked worried for about a second It was of course Cindy who came to see I was alright while everyone laughed. The only help the rector could offer was 'you probably want to go have a seat, that was a nasty tumble. Heels aren't so easy, are they?' I know what she was trying to do with this interaction but it came off as an extra pin which pricked my skin on this night. And I had been the ideal pin cushion all night, stabbed by just about everyone. The one in charge of the night seeing what had just happened as a clumsy move on my part was the last straw but prom had to roll on. Some bald scumbag in a white vest and a leather jacket stood behind the DJ set at the front of the dancefloor and some generic pop began to play.

My date didn't seem too fussed to come check on me. When he came to see how his girl was, he was not at all convincing in his sympathy. As Cindy helped me up and into my seat, he came over to speak to me.

'That was quite the disaster!' He was doing the same thing as the rector, trying to turn my rage and torment into laughter. Remember, Alice was just a joke to everyone. Everyone but me and Cindy. This was one prick too many (in multiple meanings of that word) for one night and I sort of lost it with him.

'You saw how the guys were treating me in that dance, I was in front of you! You didn't come to defend me when I was being grabbed, touched up, exposed and tripped?! Some of those guys are your friends!'

'Our friends, you mean. Come on man, it was pretty funny! You're trying to act all girly and the guys were just having some fun with it. That's what you want right? People are laughing about it and so should you.'

'No, that's not it at all. We are here as a couple, you are my date for the night. That's no way to treat a girl, and you know it.'

A couple of the other lads had now joined my date since he was very obvious about us having an argument.

'Well no, it's no way to treat a girl. But you're not a girl! You are one of us, you're a guy! Stop being so dramatic about it, you're even moaning like a girl now. Just lighten up, we'll all laugh about this tomorrow.'

'I...'
I shielded my face from the guys by looking down at the floor. I felt so ashamed.
'I th-thought you l-liked...me. W-we k-k-'

'Yeah, I kissed you. So what? Your mum asked me to for a dumb photo. Have you really always been this gay? I obviously don't like you, I like girls! Real girls! Not whatever you've turned out to be tonight!'

The guys laughed at his comments, and my weak replies. The volume, the anger in my voice dissolved into a near-breathless whisper. I don't even remember what I was trying to say. One of my other so-called friends from our group ended the argument with 'let's leave this pussy and go find some real girls.' I hadn't given anyone eye contact for a full five minutes.

Cindy chose not to say anything and let the guys leave before checking on me. I felt her cold hand on my forearm but that was all I could feel. Cold, empty, ashamed but not sure what about. The insults had finally broken me, but I was too weak to cry. All of the heat in my body rushed to my head which was on the verge of exploding. Cindy broke my depressed trance momentarily with two words

'Breather. Now.'