♡ N i a l l H o r a n I m a g i n e s ♡

W h a t a t i m e ( S o n g i m a g i n e )

Y/n's POV:

I haven't been in this park in months. I always intentionally avoided it, not wanting to come back here, yet my body made its way here, or maybe it was my heart? I'm starting to feel nauseous, like the butterfly's in the cage in my stomach are escaping, and tickling my sides. I look down and catch sight of my hands shaking. You're close by. I clasp my hands together, hoping to stop them from shaking. Maybe, just maybe if they stop shaking the nausea will stop, and then maybe, you won't be close by and I won't have to face you. I try to swallow the lump in my thoughts, but it's too dry, and it's getting dryer by the minute. The thought of being here, in this park with you near makes my heart ache, in a different way than it had been the past three weeks. I know I haven't been near you, in your arms, by your side in three months but it feels like it's only been a minute. I still think about it though. I think about it and you. I know three weeks is not long at all (except for me to cycle through all my clean underwear and clothes, and for people to think I should be over you) but I just want to think about it. All I want to do is think about it. About it all, I want to remember everything. The smell of your house, the feeling of the fabric on your bed, the colour of the pillows in your room, the brightness of the lamps by your bed and the feeling of collapsing in your arms after a long day. I'm clinging onto all those memories, as if at any minute they'll escape me, and then you'll escape me. I find my way to a bench, OUR bench, and sit down. I can't help it. I don't want to, but yet I do. The wood feels cool beneath me, and I trace the pattern with my pointer finger, just like I did all those nights ago. I can't help it. I think of the night in the park when it was just us, and it was getting dark, we should have gone back, but we just stayed put. We stayed up for hours.

What a time.

I open my eyes, bringing me back to the present, away from that night in the park. But then I close them again, accidentally, and my brain takes me back to another time. The day we ended it, three weeks ago. We both know that we didn't end it like we wanted to, like we needed to, like we were supposed to and now gets tense, every time we are in the same neighbourhood, city, town or country. You're near, it's getting tense now. I Have to wonder, does my kind just leave out all the bad parts? Everyone was telling me they were there, but were they? I never saw them. But deep deep down, I know we didn't make sense together and you knew it too. I can't help thinking about you. I'll admit it. I think about you sometimes. Trust me. I know what we had is not distant. But I want to remember everything. The smile you thought I wouldn't see when I sat reading and humming, dancing in the kitchen to 'don't stop believing' or 'it's raining men', the smell of your eggs cooking in the morning, the late night conversations of seemingly nothing, the way you used to stick your tongue out when you were concentrating and all the grocery shopping that was supposed to take 10 minutes top but always ended up being longer. I don't want to let any of these memories go. I need them. They are all that help me breathe. If I let them go, then I'll let you go. I'm not ready for that. Maybe that's why my body guided me here. To OUR park. To OUR bench. I don't want to let you go. I open my eyes again, coming back to the present. I see the fountain in front of me, the same one we stared at the night in the park, and on the other side I see you. I knew you were close. My shaking hands, nausea, dry throat and aching heart gave you away. For a moment we catch each other's eyes. I turn away, not wanting to talk to you and I remember you were clinging to my body on that night, telling me it was because you wanted it forever, but we both knew you had a fear of the dark and was using this as a cover. Maybe you did want it forever though. Then. Not now.

What a time.

But maybe it was all a lie. That night, when it was getting dark, you told me you loved me forever, staying up for hours. What a lie. You clinging to my body like you wanted it forever. What a lie.

What a fucking lie.

But what a time.

What a time we were.

What a fucking time. 

A/n: I really enjoyed writing that, I love that sine so much, hope you liked it don't forget you can request at any point  ❤️ Have a good week 😊