I Still Don't Get It

What's Wrong With You?

The thing is I don't choose to be  this way... I don't wake up everyday and tell myself that I want to be sad there is a heavy load on my shoulders that makes me feel weak, that load makes my heartache, it makes my heart feel so heavy, it kills every postive bone and energy within me, it makes happiness so hard, it makes smiling and laughing feel so wrong
It makes you feel like so fake

I don't choose to cry myself to sleep, I don't choose to loose everything and everyone I love
I didn't sign up for all this.. Everyone close to me is leaving and everyone expects me to adjust to everything happening in my life and everything happening in the world, so much is changing and I just can't get used to it, I hardly have time to digest anything
I'm at war with myself and the world and everyone is dying, everything is fading and I can't stop fighting this battle because I might die and maybe that's not what I want