From Ashes We Rise (The Darkest Minds)

I Can't...Feel

   "Oh!" Jasper and Issac screamed as Sebastian stumbled back from the hit.
"Are you freaking kidding me?!" I screamed. "You're alive?"
He chuckled as he rubbed his chin and stood up straight.
"I thought you'd be happy."
"Happy?!" I screamed. I opened my mouth to scream at him. Before I could get anything out, I turned to the others who were watching with wide eyes. I sighed and grabbed Seb's arm, pulling him back into the woods. I just stared at him for a moment, taking in every part of his face. I still couldn't believe that he was actually alive. Minutes went by with us just staring at each other, and I still didn't say a thing. The more I glared at him, the more I didn't want to talk to him at all. I just wanted to get away from this conversation, from him. He took a deep breath as he stepped forward. I could see the pain written all over his face.
"I—I am so...sorry."
My brows furrowed as the tears streamed down his face.
"Sorry?" I growled. "Do you have any idea what you put me through?! I thought you were dead! You were the only person I had ever loved and I thought you were dead, that you practically killed yourself! Right in front of my eyes!"
He sighed and reached his hand out to touch my cheek.
"Dan..."
I reached up and slapped his hand way, slapping him hard in the face as well.
"Don't touch me!"
He raised his brows, shocked that I had hit him again.
"I...I thought I was doing what was best for you," he croaked. His lip quivered as he struggled to speak. It felt as if a train was laying on my heart. I wanted to feel something, but even the sight of him crying, couldn't break that wall. The guilt ate away at my heart. Why can't I feel anything? Why can't I feel anything other than anger?
"Do you have you any idea what you've done to me? What your absence has turned me into?"
I clenched my jaw as I stomped towards him. "I can't feel anything! The only thing I feel is anger! I don't even feel anything when I kill people."
He shook his head and swallowed hard.
"I should've done it differently."
He shook his head again, furiously wiping the tears away. "I thought it was the only way."
I placed my hand on his shoulder, not able to look into his teary eyes.
"There's nothing you can do now," I croaked, the tears prickling at my own eyes. "What happened, happened, okay? It's over. The damage is done...and we just have to try and move on."
I bit my cheek. I didn't even believe what I was saying.
"A year. A year of just—."
I shook my head before he could finish.
"Stop. Just stop. I hate that people only see me as a person who's survived IAAN. It doesn't change the fact that the you, me, and everyone else effected are gone. We haven't survived. We were all killed by it."
I finally managed to pull my eyes up to Sebastian's. He shook his head.
"Danni, please. I'm sorry."
He swallowed hard, his jaw clenching, moving his hands nervously. "I...love you."
I shook my head and squeezed my eyes shut, feeling the hot tears slide down my cheeks.
"What do you expect me to say to that? You think you can just appear out of nowhere and say that you love me after everything you've done? What? We would kiss and then everything would go back to the way it was? This isn't like before IAAN, okay? This is life, this is real life!"
There was a long pause. We both just gazed into each other's teary, heartbroken eyes. "Like, what do you want from me?"
Sebastian shook his head.
"I never wanted anything from you, Dan."
I just shook my head. "Please don't do this. You're better than this. Don't let the League change you like this."
I shook my head as I turned and started back towards the others.
"The League didn't change me. You did, Sebastian."
I walked back to the others and sat with them until Sebastian came back from the woods. Jasper stuck his arms out the cage and leaned up against the bars.
"Yo, Seb. You gonna get us out of here?"
Sebastian looked off, as if he were in a haze, the haze of my harsh words. Sebastian pointed to Issac.
"Can you tell them the plan?" he mumbled. Issac's brows furrowed as he glance between Seb and I. He eventually shrugged it off and looked at me.
"So...," he started. "There's this secret organization that almost no one knows about. It's even more secretive than East River was."
I shrugged.
"Then what is it?" I asked.
Issac smirked.
"Its an organization designed to get Psi kids like us out of country."
My eyes widened.
"Are you serious? How do you even know this is real?"
Seb pulled an orange envelope out from his jacket. He kept his eyes glued to the ground as he handed it to me. I took it and opened it up. Inside the envelope were a few note cards with writing on it. I picked up the peice of paper that had the number one written on the top right corner.
I read over it.
"Okay," I mumbled as I finished reading. "It says here that we'll need to meet up with one of the contacts."
I paused as I went onto reading some more.
"This guy doesn't live too far. It says that he'll give us train tickets to Long Island, New York where we'll meet the next contact."
Everyone nodded in response. I dug through the envelope again and picked up a wad of cash and started to count through it.
"Five grand. We should use the cash to get supplies we'll need for the road."
Jasper scoffed.
"You want us...to buy supplies? You want us...to buy train tickets? I mean, how are we even supposed to get on public transportation?"
I sighed and shrugged, pulling my eyes back towards Seb.
"How did you get this?" I asked. He hesitated, not looking at me at all. He still looked as if he were in a haze. Issac snapped his fingers in front of Seb's face.
"C'mon. Snap out of it, man."
He clenched his jaw and shrugged, his eyes still glued to the ground.
"Look, I don't really know. The FBI was transporting me to be executed when someone ambushed us. When I finally managed to get my blindfold off, all the agents were dead. I saw keys to the cuffs and that envelope sitting on the seat next to me."
I scoffed.
"So you don't even know who gave it to you?"
"Isn't that what I just said?!" he snapped. I didn't say anything as I just glared at him. Right now really wasn't the time for a temper tantrum.
"Wow...lot of tension. What? You two just break up or something?" Jasper mumbled. I rolled my eyes as I stuffed the envelope in Seb's backpack.
"Break...up?" Andrei mumbled. My heart sank. I completely forgot about him and Rose. I twisted around to them and flashed a weak smile.
"So...you guys can leave now," I said.
"Ouch!" Jasper chimed in. "You're kind of a bitch now. I like it!"
I ignored his stupid comment and just stared at Andrei and Rose. I tried to avoid Andrei's eyes but I couldn't. They were a mixture of heartbreak and frustration. I cringed a little on the inside as I remembered Sebastian. He was probably running through Andrei's thoughts right now. He probably knew all about the kiss. Andrei's eyes narrowed into slits as he stood up straight. He shook his head.
"This was not apart of the plan! Our mission was to find them and bring them back and that's exactly what's going to happen!"
"That was your mission, Andrei. I'm not going back!"
He scoffed as he took a step towards me.
"Oh, yes you are!"
My eyes widened as Seb pushed himself in between us. Andrei and him glared at each other. They were the same height, same build, only difference in strength lied in their minds.
"No," Sebastian growled. "You're gonna go back to your little master and we're gonna leave!"
Andrei shook his head.
"Not...happening!" he snapped back.
Seb smirked and chuckled.
"I could turn your brain to mush without even blinking!"
I forced myself between them, shoving them both back. My eyes caught Rose's as she just stood there, watching on. I yanked my eyes back towards Andrei. His eyes flashed to mine.
"There's nothing you can do to stop this," I said.
He clenched his jaw but didn't say anything else. I grabbed the keys from Seb's hand and unlocked the cell. Sheng drove himself into me, wrapping his arms around my waist. I chuckled and squeezed him back. We gathered what little supplies Sebastian had managed to steal and left the camp, heading towards the closest city, packed with adults.