Child of Youth

Chapter #12: Come to Pray

******

The ride in company of 9 other people was shared mostly in  sober silence. Charles Fernandez kept catching Liana's eye in the rearview mirror; and then quickly looking away in embarassment. Once, she caught his eyes on her portruding...baby bump. It had never made her feel disgusting before...but now, it did. A little.

And she had thought she was slowly getting used to the fact that she was going to be a child carrying and raising her own child. She'd have to stay out of school for a few months more, and she was already quiet behind in things like completing projects and writing tests and exams.

Paul sat in the back with his parents. Liana - in the front, sandwiched in between Mary-Rose and Carleah, who were sweating and giving in under the weight of their little brothers who had to sit on their laps out of lack of space. Her eldest sister was texting her own boyfriend - one she had reportedly gotten in Liana's more-than-year-long absence.

When Liana turned her head to see who she was talking to, Carleah didn't jump to the side in her seat and hold the phone out of her younger sister's sight, but instead answered, cheerily, "Oh, it's this guy who bought me cotton candy at the fair last summer. He just popped up when I didn't have any money and offered to buy me one. Mom doesn't like him because he's got marshmallow pink highlights in his black hair. She says it makes him look like a girl but I just love the way his buck teeth show and hair falls into his eyes whenever he gives me that sideways smile of his."

Liana and Paul kept exchanging secret glances. Sometimes he smiled at her or discreetly squeezed her hand. Anne and Saul once noticed this, but did not say anything, though his father did not look particularly pleased. Liana knew, however, that they were glad Liana and Paul weren't getting to sit beside each other anymore.

They though it better if the two avoided each other from now on...if they weren't even friends. Nothing good could possibly come from a pre-teenage pregnanc, or so they thought. They sometimes - along with this - seemed to be silently pondering how completely and utterly outrageous this entire situation was, though never outrightly stating that.

But then again, Liana, unlike her "husband", had always been one to psychoanalyse and be hyper observant. Paul could sometimes be quite the opposite and she hated that. No, not hated. Strongly disliked.

******

It was the morning of the end of her three quarter year long wait. It was the morning of the ninth month.

Upon realizing this, Liana slowly sat upright in bed. Her room was still dark as smoke, the curtains closed, the window open, blowing an icy breeze against her bare stomach and breasts. She had slept topless, because her recent night sweats became impossible to bear.

They had found out what it was - a girl. She had blonde hair - the exact same buttery/eggy shade of Paul's locks. But it was wavy like Liana's instead of straight. Her eyes were neither blue nor black; not resembling her parents', but a sharp cat-like green, like Riana Fernandez's. Only, the little eyes didn't look sharp now. In fact, Liana had never seen a baby look so dull and sleepy. She could hear her own baby's breathing, like she sometimes thought she did at night. It came in little, hot, soft gasps.

Shandy was her name. Because it rhymed with brandy and it was unique - like Liana was to explain every single time someone asked her- in the future. Paul was drinking brandy on the porch - alone - the night before she arrived into the world, which gave Liana's inspiration.

"I know! What we should name her - Shandy!"

She felt nothing.

As silent as a deer being stalked to be shot was the small life inside of her stomach. It had often kicked her at night; but it had never been unbearable. But now there was nothing but the silence and it felt excruciating.

****

The arrival of her child - which took place in the late afternoon - felt unreal.

"I'll love you till the baby and beyond," Paul told her, standing behind her, a hand placed on her right shoulder, and she gradually lifted her face up to meet his eyes. Then she lowered her eyelids to the floor, head turned to the side. Her cheeks looked unusually red for her face that used to be pale, and striking against her smooth black hair, which was pulled into a braided bun on the side.

"Only till the baby?" Liana whispered, with a slightly forced smile and eyes star bright with tears. "I'm never killing Shandy. She is my child and it's my job to protect her."

"And also mine. I may not be an adult yet, but at least I'm already a dad to someone."

Liana looked stirred, and surprised by his words.

"I guess it might be something to be proud of...to bear a child at my age, and have the courage to do it. But I guess ... I guess I didn't have the courage, because we...we didn't plan for that night to happen, you know."

"I've forgiven you. You've forgiven me. The past ... is in the past, I suppose...it won't change anything if you side smile about it. But I enjoyed our...wedding night. I suppose a small part of me really did think it was the right thing to do, and still do, though I'm kind of ashamed to admit it. You've been through a lot of pain...physically and emotionally...to give me Shandy, and what I did wasn't very mature, nor childish, though I might sound mature now."

"How does sex actually work?"

"Excuse me, Liana?"

"What did you do to me...to plant the seed? You know."

Paul looked really, really, really embarassed. He certainly wasn't one to feel that emotion easily. His words made him lower his eyelids to the floor - "modestly", the way a girl did, and...yes, it made him blush.

"It was your pants which you unzipped, didn't you? To use...the hole. I've been reading about that a lot lately. And also things like fertility and pregnancy, like vanishing twin syndrome and bla blah blah. The facts were really interesting, though. Sounds like I should have been dead having to deliver at my age."

"Uhm...well...yeah," He replied to her earlier enquirary. Let's just talk about something else, will you??" His answer sawed off the something she was about to tell him, abruptly.

Liana looked a little taken aback...or rather, sawed back...but yeah.

"Did you find it awkward...when you slept with me?" She questioned, in a low voice, leaning forward in anticipation to his answer and sharpening her ears. Her eyes were wide because of the thought.

"I don't like the term 'slept with you.' Sex sounds a little more upfront and less like something that doesn't have double meanings or something you have to hide. And it does bother me that your home doctor now knows what your stuff looks like..."

"Stuff?" Liana elegantly raised an eyebrow. "Don't worry. He didn't see anything. My mom helped me. And I'm sure you meant to say 'ambigious.' "

Paul slowly began to look less unnerved and humiliated...and slowly...the two began laughing together - spontaneously, the young husband and wife, Liana holding her daughter in her arms -  who was sleeping like a ghost. Well, ghosts don't sleep...but yeah.

They didn't really know why they were laughing, whether or not they should be laughing, whether or not they would still be laughing after whatever was to come...but ...yeah.

Still, they took the fact that Shandy was still sleeping as a good sign.