after spencer left and the door had shut behind you as you entered your apartment you walked to your bedroom and flopped onto your bed, hundreds of thoughts filling your heads.
'no. I'm being serious. strauss would kill us if she found out anyone in the bau was in a relationship. were friends nothing more.'
'i bet you're glad i heard what you were talking about. this wouldn't have happened if i didn't hear you gobbing off would it?'
you couldn't decide whether you wanted to continue whatever this rollercoaster of a friendship or not. you couldn't tell if reid wanted more of your relationship or not. one moment he was being warm and open to you and the next he was shutting you out and acting cold. what did this man want with you and why was he making you feel this way?
you finally decided, after you'd been lying in your bed for at least an hour worrying, that you should get out of your clothes and go for a shower.
after stripping down and taking off your makeup you got into your warm shower and began to get lost in your shower songs playlist
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the song 'often' by the weekend started playing and you found yourself humming along to the lyrics as you massaged the shampoo into your hair. after you had finished your hair you moved onto your body, squeezing the body wash onto your loofah and massaging it all over your curves and you sang along to whatever song was playing through your speaker.
as you washed your body you began to feel increasingly more turned on as you had flashbacks to spencers big hands on your waist that night at the bar. you missed the feeling of his hot breath on your neck and your head falling onto his broad shoulder.
you missed him.
you slowly moved your hand further and further down your body as you got to the place you truly wanted to feel spencers hands. with spencers sensual words playing in your head and the image of his veiny hands on your waits you slowly began to touch yourself as you slowly brought yourself closer to the edge.
you wondered what spencer was doing right now but you frowned slightly as you realized he was probably sat down on his couch eating his leftover Chinese from three days ago. either that or he was drinking a pint of coffee and reading some book about quantum physics or some genius thing.
you wondered if despite all of the odds he could've been thinking about the same things you were thinking of. was he doing what you were doing right now? is this wrong? he was your co-worker, not some hookup that you met at a bar, you would have to walk into work tomorrow and sit down at a table with him knowing what you had down the previous night.
all of these thoughts filled your head as you felt yourself being brought closer and closer to the edge as he placed your hand on the cold wall of the shower and let yourself go, moaning spencers name in the process.
'fuck' you sighed
you slowly finished washing the rest of your body, trying your best to get rid of the thoughts filling your head. once you were done you stepped out of the shower and onto the soft bathmat outside, you wrapped your total around your shoulders and used a headband to move your hair out of your face as you cleansed and out on your night mask.
after this, you changed into a big hoodie from your college years and on your bottom half, you only wore your underwear. you hated the feeling of the elastic swivelling around your waist in the night.
you fluffed up your pillows and snuggled into your bed that was covered by thousands of blankets, you grabbed the brown stuffed bear that your mom had given you many years ago and set your alarm for the morning. a hint of sadness and unsureness filled your chest as you slowly fell into a deep sleep.
SPENCER POV
after getting home and putting my locks on my door I put my bags down in the entrance room to my apartment and sighed.
i can't control the way I feel about y/n. i cant. but I also cant control the fact that I would almost most definitely be fired if any of my superiors found out about whatever was going on between us.
i walked over to my kitchen and opened up my fridge pulling out the two-day-old chicken lo mein and grabbing a fork from my drawer as I sat down on my couch and turned on the tv to watch a very outdated episode of dr who.
after I had finished eating I decided to go for a shower, taking off my clothes and glasses and ruffling my hair as I stepped into the shower.
i washed my slightly long hair and washed my body with a cosy smelling body wash. i thought of what y/n was doing right now. she was probably messaging emily or jj about how bad I was at our date, if that's what it was. i didn't even know what we were at this point but I sure as hell knew what I wanted it to be.
i brought my hand down to my length and began touching myself. i had a constant image of y/n in my head, she looked so perfect all the time. including that time she bent over in front of me to pick up some papers she had dropped at work. imagining her on her knees for me, what a sight that was. i brought myself closer and closer to finishing as I made up these scenarios in my head.
i opened my mouth and threw my head back, moaning y/n's name as I came hard. my legs feeling slightly weaker once i was done.
i finished washing and hopped out of the shower, wrapping my towel around my waist and tousling my hair dry with another. i brought the same towel down over my face and dried it as a breathed a deep sigh. the sigh was filled with many, many emotions. incompletion. disgust. happiness. love.
i was grossed out in myself because of what I had just done but at the same time felt a slight feeling of release. like I had vented to someone about my problem, except i hadn't. i had jerked off to someone who probably didn't even feel in the slightest way attracted to me.
i slowly got dressed into my caltech hoodie and some boxers as i breathed in the smell of the hoodie. i hadn't washed it since y/n had worn it and it still smelt of her. i sighed and hopped into my bed, pulling the duvet and blanket over me.
i bundled up the duvet slightly and brought it close to my chest, imagining it was y/n's body close to mine. i felt content. but not complete. i knew tomorrow i needed to talk to y/n. to explain how i feel about her.
sooner or later i was deep in sleep and my dreams were shortly to be filled with scenes of y/n and i.
(1258 words)
this had a little bit fo spice.
bye, this was such a short chapter and i know i haven't been updating as frequently as i'd like to be but school is kicking my ass rn and i have no motivation to do anything but hey ho.
