Sure you do (Tanaka Ryūnosuke x Reader)

Chapter 15

BEHIND YOU ALL THE WAY

Anger comes in many forms. It comes in resentment, in avoidance, tears, demolition- it takes so many forms. There are so many reasons behind it, justifications to back it up but even so, that's not an excuse for it. 

Tanaka swam in all of it. He drifted in and out of avoidance and his attitude found solitude in demolishing itself. And the tears, well they never showed up until now. 

Now as he cries into your arms, tears pooling down and wetting the crevices of his wailing mouth, he feels his anger more than ever. 

He's dived straight into the bloodbath of bottled-up frustration and enrage. His hands shook- he couldn’t control it. It irritated him how his own body was betraying him. He could only hold on tighter to you, his fingers curling around the cloth of your clothes- trying to distract himself with the textures and ripples of the cloth. 

He dove too deep too fast. 

He expressed his anger in tears. He let it all out to the one person he didn’t want to put that burden on. To the one person he swore never to get angry at.

Angry tears. 

He was angry at you, for not making an effort to be there for him. For hiding him away from your parents- the people you love, the people you look up to. He despised how it made him feel. How doubtful he became.

Was he not good enough? It made him feel alone. 

He was angry at you for mentioning his parents and their absence. How you so carelessly said that to him and opened up his wounds.

Moreover, he was angry at his parents. His parents who left him. His parents who never paid attention to him. He was angry at his dad for never dropping him off at school when he was little and he was angry at his mother for never truly loving him. He was angry at his sister, who had to take over the role as a parent. Who sacrificed her whole life and worker herself to the bone for him- forgetting all about herself. 

He was angry at himself. For not being enough. For not doing enough and not taking the effort to see that by trying to protect you he’d only made it worse. 

His friends, now distanced from him, afraid of a sudden outburst. His avoidance of you and fake cheery attitude, as if you couldn't see through that.

And he’s angry because he can’t control it. He can’t control his emotions- his frustrations, resentment- his pure fiery and maddened anger.

He’s loading it all on to you. His failure in school, his inability to fit in, the abandonment of his parents- you.

‘‘It’s too much,’’ Tanaka finally says, speech broken. ‘‘It’s just too much.’’ He can’t find the words to express what he feels, explain that he’s angry at you, yes, but so many other things. He doesn't want to direct it all at you. But he can't stop, he can't help the tears and wails. 

But you know well enough what he means. You speak softly to him, reassuring him it's alright. You know this anger is well deserved. You two are on the ground, you on your knees, cradling Tanaka’s shoulder and head, stroking his peach buzzed hair. Light touches comfort him, and you don’t try and search for an answer to where all these emotions stemmed from. 

You let him be, you let him cry. You let his arms cling around your torso, even as his grip becomes tighter and tighter. 

He wanted to tell you that it wasn't all meant for you. That he was angry at so many other things, not just you. But he was just so tired and so emotional. He can't say anything. He can't reassure you. He can't make you feel better. He can't put you before himself.