101 ways ferncloud is queen

way 1- mourning

Larckit: "Today we will be getting our mommy to conceive with- more-? The poor kit's sentence is cut short... **A film of death suddenly obscures the kit's eyes and Larchkit tumbles to the floor in a heap, a pool of perishing pus surrounding it's lifeless body**

Dustpelt: **careening into Starclan's grounds with distraught eyes** "Ferncloud!! Ferncloud!! My love, you won't begin to guess what-"

Ferncloud: **curls tail up in delight that instantly drops as she discerns the tension in her mate's voice** "Dustpelt?"

Dustpelt: **holds out two bundles of limp kits dangling from his jaws with the color drained from their face** "I'm sorry I couldn't protect them... I'm sorry I wasn't there for them... I wasn't even beside them when they fell; I never saw what took their life so soon."

Ferncloud: **anguished wailing** "Starclan! Why do you need to take so much from me? What did I ever do? Is it because I devoted my life to the nursery instead of the warrior's den? What about Tree then, a mediator who languishes around Skyclan doing nothing, who even hunts like an immobile bush?!?!"

Shrewpaw: **speechless**

Foxleap: . . .

Icecloud:: . . . "Hollykit? It's me!

Ferncloud: "Silence Icecloud, she never even lived to meet you!"

Icecloud: **shuffles paws and stares at her feet like it's the most enthralling thing in the world** (just like Dovewing had glued her gaze to the lake when Tigerheart had approached Bramblestar).

Shrewpaw: "Don't be cruel!"

Ferncloud: "Those helpless kits died because I couldn't provide enough to feed them when the forest was being bulldozed; you on the other hand jAywalked across the thunderpath!"

Shrewpaw: "Why? Because I had to feed cats like you!"

Dustpelt: **concern glittering in his gaze** "Ferncloud? You're scaring me, you're not being like your usual self."

Foxleap: **drapes tail reassuringly over father's shoulder** "It's ok, she doesn't know what she's saying; grief is a debilitator."

**After seconds of letting out his more-artificial-than-Star-Flower reassurance, Foxleap's tail instantly stiffens**

Ferncloud: **her earsplitting shrieks now reverberating across the entire Starclan camp** "Why Starclan, I didn't think cats could pass away in your ranks, your "safe and sound honey-coated tales"! I don't care about the exceptions, I don't give a mouseheart for Spottedleaf and the reason why the more ancient cats have faded is because cats forget they still need those! But these are kits, couldn't you have spared an ounce of mercy for them?"

**Dustpelt's eyes widen as Ferncloud's screeches seemed to morph into physical agony and indeed the queen begins to writhe**

Ferncloud: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH

Icecloud: **mutters under her breath** "Months of training for losses right?"

**After what felt like an entire generation had passed (the amount of time it'd require for Graystripe to join Firestar, Sandstorm, Dustpelt, and Ravenpaw-ish), Ferncloud's body spasmed one last time and fell eerily still**

Dustpelt: **rushing forward** "Ferncloud!" **However, warmth spread across the father's gaze instead of the guilt that had crossed over his complexion after the Great Battle.**

**A little kit who had a combination of Larchkit and Hollykit's fur was nestled by Ferncloud's flank, beginning to knead its soft fur in pursuit of a suckling station**

Ferncloud: "She's sooo beautiful..." **cranes her neck to glance at the rising sun just as it breaks the horizon, ending the darkest hour before dawn** "I'm going to name her Morningkit"

Shrewpaw: "You can grow kits in you by simply mourning? Foxdung I wish I were a she-cat now, then I wouldn't need to risk a broken heart for kit's. Now toms are going to be inferior."

Larchkit: "And that's how I can pretend to be dead to scare my mother into popping out more kits! I can't believe I have a new littermate; Mourningkit!"

A/N: i'd created this new section in hopes of sounding more spoof-like but it's hard.. to do that might kick me a nanometer over what i like to believe is PG 0-0