To be a Wildflower

Chapter 24

As Elizabeth stepped out of the taxi onto the sidewalk at 15 Broad street, the familiar fragrance of Mama La Boeur's famous golden fried corn dogs from the deli around the corner, seeped up her nostrils. The honking loud as ever, the smell of burnt air and baked goods evident as always, and the streets thrumming with voices and lives, Manhattan was still the same, but there was a certain shift in the way Elizabeth perceived it all.

It didn't feel so heavy to be back home anymore, and to her shame she had to admit that it was weird to come back home, not wanting to get in the next train, avoiding 15 Broad street. Instead she was yearning to walk into apartment thirty.

Elizabeth breathed in and pulled her stuff into the building, where Sam the doorman tipped his cap at her with his usual beam. She nodded a smile and paced up her walk to a run as her chest fluttered in nervousness and excitement and all things new, she couldn't explain.

The elevator floated up and away and though Mozart hummed in the elevator, Elizabeth felt her palms sweating nervously and for a second there she thought she might hurl.

After a few nervous minutes later, the elevator pinged on the forty second floor.

She walked and stood in front of apartment number thirty and pressed the circular button on the doorbell with trembling fingers. She looked around and down at her feet, brittle and almost leapt in shock when the door clicked open.

Lorraine gasped lightly at the sight of Elizabeth, but after she took her time to take it all in, her face faltered into half a smile.

"You're back," she said in a low tone, and opened the door wide, "come on in."

Elizabeth walked inside quietly, unable to speak up. Lorraine headed towards the kitchen where Elizabeth followed in silence, observing her mother.

She reached for the empty wine rack clumsily and turned back to put the kettle on.

"Chamomile okay? I'm sorry I'm out of wine and coffee seems—

"Mom," Elizabeth said comfortingly, and Lorraine lifted her eyes in shock, "chamomile sounds great."

Her mother smiled in relief.

*****

With steaming cups of chamomile in their hands, Elizabeth and Lorraine sat across one another in the living room, in silent awkwardness, and it almost seemed as if they were forcing themselves on each other, but what neither knew was how immensely glad they were to have each other's company.

"Mom I-

"Liz I-

They laughed sheepishly, and Elizabeth felt as if she was seeing her mother for the first time in years.

"I'll go first," Elizabeth said, and Lorraine agreed. She breathed deep and Lorraine couldn't help but smile at Elizabeth. She had missed how Elizabeth always drew a long dramatic breath before she revealed something huge.

"I've said and done things I shouldn't have." She began, her voice steady, and her eyes flickered in a flash of excitement, "This town, Chelseaville was something mom, you um you would have loved it even though it doesn't suit your usual tastes—" Elizabeth clenched her fist and bit her lip, but her mother's eyes held no pain, just encouragement for her to go on, "what I'm trying to say is that I don't want to run anymore and mostly I'm sorry for walking away and cutting you out, when I know I—I...when I know, I should have been there." She paused and looked at her mother, "dad wouldn't have been okay with that."

Lorraine placed her cup on the marble coffee table and stood up to sit next to Elizabeth.

"I know I tried to shut you out when things got harder after dad, and I should have been there, I-," Elizabeth's vision began to blur, "it's just dad always knew the right words to say, he was so good with words, the right ones that made you feel better and I didn't want to say the wrong thing and hurt you, but that's all I've done and I'm—