Best Friend's Brother But It's My Brother's Best Friend

10: If you could change anything about the way you grew up, what would it be?

Shit, that one's hard. There's so much I could change, so many things I've wished I could but, well, that shit made me who I am today. Obviously, I'd rather not lose my mom or live everyday terrified that my dad would come kill me, but that shit happening got me my brother. I don't know. As awful as it was, I can't imagine a better one that makes me the person I am now. I don't have an answer for this one right now.

What I do have an answer for is whatever the fuck that sound was. Clay's fist hitting the wall. There's a hole in the drywall, bloodstained, right next to the picture of the first time the three of them all met up in person. It fell, glass shattering. I can't help but feel like it's symbolic. He's still locked in his room, stayed there all night and all day yesterday. There's a palpable tension through the whole house.

Nick's safe, hunkered down at our parents' house while this blows over. All three of the boys have tweeted about a hiatus until further notice, which breaks my heart just a little. I'm the reason they're fighting, the reason they're putting their careers on hold. Everything I was scared about is happening, much sooner than I thought it would. I tried to talk to Clay yesterday, but he's busy shitting the bed over this, said some dickhead thing about wanting to be left 'the fuck alone' so I am doing just that, binging random shitty british TV with George. I'm surprised by how much he loves trashy drama and reality shows, but he's apparently super into them. I should get him into Grey's Anatomy. We're currently watching Big Brother UK, and I can barely follow what's going on. George, on the other hand, is basically glued to the TV.

We're both so engrossed that I don't realize Clay has left his room until he slinks through the kitchen and into the basement, not addressing either of us. Whatever. Let him keep up being an asshole. I'm not entirely mad at him for the fight. Of course, it's wrong of him to be asking Nick for stuff like that, but I really can't blame him. I didn't give him much, and he's obviously worried. But I am mad about the way he's acting now. Locked in his room for nearly 2 days and ignoring everyone, including his sisters. George had gotten a facetime asking if he was okay from Caitlyn, her saying something about him rejecting her calls before George closed his door behind him for a little privacy.

It's annoying, the way he's acting like a kid who got his nintendo taken away and decided that ignoring his whole family is the way to get it back, instead of apologizing like a normal human being. I mean, we've all been there, but you're 21 for god's sake, Clay, come on now. George is vehemently keeping his nose out of it, which I appreciate. I told him yesterday about the basics of what's been happening, and he's been the best about it. There was a 'Do you want to talk about it?' that hasn't been pushed, and gentle support, and that's all. Nick is great about it, but he works himself up into such a worry, and Clay, well. He's just acting like a child.

"Is he still being a baby over this?" At least I'm not the only one who thinks so.

"I think they both are. Like good on Nick for removing himself instead of being the absolute dick I know he can be, but go to your room or something, not your mom's house." George laughs a little, like he's unsure if he can. "Just pisses me off that they won't get over themselves."

"They've fought like this before, and it's just so, ughh." Felt, George. Felt.

"It's frustrating, that's for damn sure."

"Yeah."

We sit in mutual silence, both staring at the TV but just, not interested.

"Should we talk to him?" I don't know. Maybe talking to George would do him some good.

"I don't trust myself to keep emotions out of it. And I don't want to seem like I'm picking sides in this. Maybe just you?" George nods, stands up and makes his own way to the door to the basement, pulls it shut tight behind him. I feel like shit that they're fighting, even more so that it's about me, but Clay wasn't right. While understandable, it's still not okay, and I know we need to have another talk.