All for you | Jesse Pinkman Fanfic

XXI

"Yo, word on the street is he like squashed some dudes head with an ATM machine," Brandon told me as Pete, he and I all sat in his car.

I refused to take Jesse's calls — left a few voicemails and text messages but I never bothered to respond. It has only been a few days since our fight and clearly, he's kept himself busy.

"I doubt he killed anyone," I said with a scoff. If I know anything about Jesse Pinkman it's that he's a cupcake — not meant for the life he has gotten himself into. 

"Nah he did — everyone's saying it." Pete chimed in, nodding his head in agreement. 

"Who's everyone? A bunch of druggies, I'm telling you right now he didn't kill shit."

"Did or didn't you abandoning him made him like all depression, yo," Brandon said as if that would make me run back to him. 

I rolled my eyes, "He thought I was jealous of Jane! You even knew that something was up about that girl."

"We believe you, Hails," Brandon said and Pete agreed by nodding his head again. 

"But he's back to using again... he's pretty fucked up," Pete informed me.

My guilt is an ocean for me to drown in and at those words, my head was 10ft underwater.

I didn't want him to turn to that but I didn't want to run back to him with open arms, I wanted to be petty because I couldn't have him rely on me to save him, what happens when I can't? What happens when I fail him? I couldn't live with myself if I couldn't help him. I wasn't a good or strong enough person to carry the weight of it all. 

I didn't have a life when I was with him, he was my life. Not that it was always a bad thing but I just needed time. I needed to collect my thoughts and figure out how I feel. I needed to do what was right for me. 

It hurt, more than he knew when he basically took Jane's side. I wasn't jealous, I was suspicious. He didn't even care enough to listen and that hurt the most. 

I didn't know if distance would help us or break us completely.

We were on an unannounced breakup and at this point, I wasn't sure what to do.

"So are you going to go see him?" Pete asked as Brandon pulled into my driveway.

"Nope... I'm taking time for myself. I can't keep dropping everything for him."

"We're not asking you to—"

"Good. I'll see you both later." I said, shutting his car door.

Jesse Pinkman:

For days I've been calling Hailey, leaving voicemails, texting and she hadn't bothered to respond. I needed to know if she still cared, that she knew how much I love her but she hasn't given me a chance. 

I was debating whether or not to stop by her house and make her talk to me but every dude says that 'chicks need space' so I hoped that by giving it to her she'd come around, hopefully, sooner rather than later.

Right now I had other things to worry about, Mr.White was making me get the money back from these two crackheads that cornered Skinny Pete.

"Have you talked to Hailey lately?" I asked Pete once he gave me the address to the crackhead's house.

"The other day, yo, she's pretty pissed at you."

"Can you at least tell me why?" I asked him, hoping he could help me out.  "It was about Jane, I know that much."

"Man you've got a lot to learn." Pete laughed as if this was funny. "She's pissed because you called her jealous of Jane, you basically took her side instead of Hailey's— totally not cool."

"She seemed Jealous, what other word is there to use?"

He shrugged, "That girl is always around so I can see where she's coming from."

"What?" I said surprised, "She's not— fuck."

When Hailey was telling me that,  I figured she truly was jealous but if Pete's seeing it and now that I haven't been seeing Hailey she's definitely been hanging around a lot more.

"I need to fix this shit," I sighed, seeing how much of a fucking idiot I am. 

"Yeah maybe you could fix it right now, and I don't know— get her to help you with this."

"No fucking way, yo." I told him, "I'm not getting her forgiveness and then asking her to help me scare two speed freaks."

"Worth a shot—"

"No, man it isn't. After I get my shit back I'll get my girl back." I said, "I'll catch you later."

-

After witnessing that girl squish his head into the ATM machine I needed something to get it off my mind.

I went home and got high, I hadn't even realized what day it was since I'd wake up, smoke, eat and then go to bed. I found being sober made it too hard to cope with what I witnessed — that and the fact that the girl I am in love with doesn't want to be around me. Does she even still love me? Did she realize that I'm just a fuck up to her? 

After I gave Mr.White his money, I went outside to have a smoke. You could probably guess who was out there. 

"Woah, what the hell happened to you?" Jane asked me, looking surprised at the state I'm in. This is what happens when I don't have Hailey to help me. It's pathetic that I forced her to help me with so much. I should have known, no person would want me after seeing my life. 

Fuck, Jane really was always around. 

"Not much," I said shortly.

"Well, you look like shit." She said with a laugh, "Your girlfriend hasn't been around lately, clearly, she kept you looking normal."

"Didn't think you'd be one to keep tabs," I replied, putting the cigarette to my mouth and lighting it. 

"Yeah well— You better air out the house before my father decides he wants to see inside your place."

"I haven't smoked in there," I said, obviously lying. Heartbreak couldn't make me look this bad. 

"Don't lie, just make sure the smells out." She said and began drawing in her sketchbook, not caring that I didn't listen to her rules in the first place.

"So you draw?" I asked, leaning over to look at her book.

"Yeah... I'm a tattoo artist." She replied.

I was shocked, "Tattoo artist with no tattoos? That's different."

"Too big of a commitment." She replied with a sigh, "So Jesse what have you been doing in there if you haven't been smoking?"

"Getting my mind off shit, needed to be alone."

She told me she had something that would 'help me get my mind off what I wanted'. 

Apparently, she'd bring it over to me later if I wanted it, I didn't know what to say so I agreed.

At 11 pm I heard a knock on my door and Jane came inside.

She pulled out a needle, rubber band, and heroin.

"Yo, I don't do that shit," I told her. I would never expect her to be a heroin kinda girl. I've done some heavy shit but never this. 

"So what you're telling me is you don't know how good it'll make you feel." She said with a devilish smile, "Here try it once, I promise you won't die."

I think because I had nothing better to do I let her talk me into it, but what I didn't know was that I'd love the feeling. I was in my own pain-free world, without the drug business, without the relationship and family problems. It was just me, Jesse Pinkman.

The outside world was blocked out and the bender I didn't know about was just beginning.