Stucky oneshots || DISCONTINUED

You Go Ahead and Get Some Sleep (I'll Take the Night Shift)

title from Easy Life's "Nightmares" (that song is a vibe, check it out)

      Steve commonly woke up in the middle of the night. Whether it be one time or four times, it always happened. As much as he hated it, he loved being able to admire his husband. Bucky was always on edge. He always had anxiety in him and was never really at peace during the day. He looked calm while he was asleep. It would take a while, but Steve would be able to calm his thoughts and fall back asleep, only as long as he knew Bucky was okay.

     Tonight, Steve woke up again, this time an off feeling. He knew something wasn't really right, but it was probably just his anxiety, right? He sat up, sighing as he examined the room. No one was in there except him and Bucky. He looked at Bucky who seemed like he was sleeping just fine. So it really was just overthinking. Steve lay down again, deciding to try to go back to sleep. But Bucky wouldn't stop moving. Steve turned around and looked at Bucky. He didn't seem scared or uneasy or anything, so Steve just pulled Bucky in and tried to sleep again. And he almost did until he was brought back to the real world when he heard the gut wrenching scream from beside him. He sat up, immediately pulling his husband close as he cried.

     "I'm sorry, I don't wanna go back!" Bucky yelled. Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky's shaking body and ran his fingers through Bucky's long hair. "I don't want to," Bucky was sobbing at this point instead of panicking. Steve kissed Bucky's head and put his head on top of his.

     "Hey, listen," Steve basically cooed. "It's okay. You won't go back. I promise to you that. You're alright, you're alright." Bucky calmed down after a few more minutes. Tears were still pouring out of his eyes but he could at least breathe right. Steve pulled away from Bucky and looked at his husband. He placed his hand on Bucky's cheek and he wiped away the tears as they fell. Bucky felt guilty.

     "I'm sorry, Stevie," he whispered. "You can go back to sleep if you want."

     "I was already awake. Don't be sorry, Bucky. You can't really help it. I'm always gonna be here for you, okay? Whether it's because you had a nightmare or a flashback or because you just had a bad day, I'll be here to listen and to hold your hand and be the person you can always cry with. I'll never judge you for anything. I learned about your past not to punish you or ignore it, but to know how to love you. I'm here to help you, and to love you, okay?" Bucky nodded, new tears falling. And instead of out of fear and sadness, they were out of love and happiness. He smiled and Steve returned it.

     "Thank you, Stevie. I love you," Bucky said.

     "I love you, too, baby." Steve kissed Bucky's forehead before hugging him again. They sat in silence, only the sound of their breathing filling it.

     "I thought you would've hated me by now," Bucky said suddenly. "I thought that...after I ran away from HYDRA, you wouldn't be able to handle the nightmares and episodes and flashbacks and panic and anxiety attacks. I thought you would've thought of me so differently because of what they put in me and what we couldn't get out. I thought you'd kick me out after I woke you up for the first time after a nightmare. That's when I first thought that you would hate me. And after it became more common, I was sure you hated me. Thinking that, I lost so much sleep obsessing over it. It all stopped when you proposed and you had that whole adorable, cliche speech and you were crying. That's when they stopped and I thought, 'he really does love me'. I really love you. I love you and everything you've ever done for me. You mean everything to me and...I love you." Bucky's breath hitched. Steve smiled sadly.

     "You could've told me," Steve said. "But I know how much you'd hate that," Bucky chuckled.

     "But, Steve?" Steve looked at him. "Um...why don't you hate me?"

     "What?"

     "Why don't you hate me? Why haven't you left me yet? I'm so needy, I know that. I just, I feel like if I were you, I wouldn't be able to love me."

     "I don't hate you because 78 years ago, I made a promise. I promised to stick with you no matter what. To stay with you until the end of the line. I haven't left you because 73 years after that promise, I was at this lake with my best friend and there was this guy who asked me to promise that I would love and honour you in any situation until the very last day of my life, and in front of all our friends and family, I said yes. I vowed to stay with you no matter what. A vow is a promise," Steve paused, kissing Bucky's lips. "I promised me and you and everyone we know to never hate or leave you. I plan to stick to that promise. I'll never hate you. Ever. I don't care if you kill someone again or break something or lose a friend we both had, I'll always love you. You could do so many things and I won't stop loving you." Bucky was in tears again. Okay, not really again. More like he had even more tears than before pretty much waterfalling out of his eyes. Now they were both crying. "Bucky," Steve said in a low voice, hugging him tightly.

     "I love you, too, Stevie." Bucky whispered. The two talked until after the sun rose and until Bucky eventually fell asleep in Steve's arms, safe and sound. And it didn't take long either. Steve didn't let go of Bucky until the sun rose and he inevitably fell asleep. And after Bucky woke up, he stayed with Steve until he woke up because he, too, promised to stay with him until the end, and he wouldn't give that up for anything.

-fin-