Stucky oneshots || DISCONTINUED

Go Easy On Me

So i wrote this at like 3 am last wednesday. enjoy lmao

     It had been nine months since Steve saved Bucky from HYDRA and brought him home. The first two months, Bucky constantly forgot who he was, where he was and who Steve was. But, Steve was patient. He would only eat enough to survive the first five months and it took seven months for him to finally eat a meal every day. He always thought Steve would hit him because of his nightmares and panic attacks. But Steve never would. Instead, he would sit with Bucky. He would sit and listen and comfort. Bucky wasn't used to physical affection at that point, but that was off Steve's radar. He just wanted Bucky to be healthy.

     Now that it'd been a few months, and Bucky would eat regularly, Steve decided to help Bucky work on touch. Bucky always knew what Steve was trying to do, but it was still so new and he couldn't get used to it. He'd been trying for months and Bucky was still too scared to even hold Steve's hand.

     "Look, we don't have to rush, okay? This is on your time. You take as long as you need to get used to this, okay?" Steve asks. Bucky nods. "Let's start with this," Steve opens his hand, palm facing up. "Put your hand in mine. Not the metal one, though." Bucky lifts his shaky hand over to Steve's and hesitantly drops in in the younger's. Steve slowly laces their fingers together, and Bucky tenses up at the action, pulling his hand away. He looks guilty almost immediately after.

     "I'm sorry," he whispers.

     "No, don't be. It's okay. You're gonna be okay," Steve says. "Do you want to try again?" he asks gently. Bucky shakes his head, tears filling his eyes. "That's alright, it's okay. It's getting late, we should get to bed."

     "Okay," Bucky says. That was another thing; getting Bucky into a normal sleep routine. Steve walks Bucky to his room which is just down the hall from his own.

     "You can wake me up if you have a nightmare," Steve starts. "I'll always be here."

     "Thank you," Bucky whispers.

     "Of course. Night, Buck." Steve says, beginning to walk out.

     "Night, Stevie." Steve walks down the hall and into his room, leaving the door open as Bucky requested months earlier.

     Steve wakes up early in the morning, but not feeling as rested as he wants to. He woke up multiple times in the night, just worried about Bucky. He constantly got up to check on him and he was always okay. He feels like he could sleep for another few days, given how warm and soft the bed feels. Interrupting his thoughts, there's a knock at the door.

     "Come in," he says, sitting up in his bed. Bucky opens the door and steps in the room, his eyes manifesting deep exhaustion. He's wearing the hoodie Steve gave him when he first moved in and his hair is in a messy half bun. "Morning, Buck." Steve pats the open side of his bed, inviting the older to sit with him. Bucky does so tiredly, still not saying a word. "You alright?"

     "Can I...Can you..." Bucky stops himself. His voice is heavy as if he had just woken up or hadn't slept at all. Steve wonders which one it is. "I didn't sleep," he says. There's his answer.

     " Why?" Steve asks. Bucky shrugs.

     "I just...I was missing..." he stops himself again.

     "You can tell me," Steve reassures.

     "I was hugging my pillow all night. I think I was missing you. It didn't feel right. But every time you came in, I was too scared to say something, so I just pretended to be asleep." Steve just nods. He doesn't say anything like You could have or You don't have to be scared because he knows it's just something Bucky will have to get used to. Bucky hesitates before speaking. "Can...Can we..." he trails off, opening his arms and his eyes pleading quietly. Steve pulls Bucky in slowly, breathing the brunette in.

     "You want this?" Steve asks. Bucky just nods. He holds Steve firmly, afraid that if he lets go, he'll lose him. Steve doesn't let go. He just pulls Bucky closer, running his fingers through what's not in the bun. Bucky lets out a noise that sounds like a sob. Well, it is a sob. "Hey, what's wrong?" Bucky just breaks down crying, sobs shaking his whole body. Steve just lets him cry, knowing how long it'd been since he really broke down. Steve rubs Bucky's back, finally being able to comfort him with physical touch. "Tell me when you're ready to," Steve whispers. After a few minutes, Bucky finally calms down enough to speak coherent words. "Are you alright?" Steve says as Bucky pulls away from the hug.

     "It's just been so long," Bucky says. Though it's true, Steve knows that's not what he wanted to say.

     "It's alright. You can say what you want to." Bucky stares at Steve for a minute, obviously scared.

     "I just...I miss this. I miss being hugged by someone every day. I just miss physical affection." Bucky pauses, hesitating to say the next thing. "I love you so much." Bucky says, words broken up by his breath hitching. "I know it's wrong but I can't help it." Steve's heart breaks when Bucky says it's wrong.

     "It's not wrong." Steve starts. "I love you, too. I mean that. I love everything about you. I don't care how many panic attacks and nightmares you have. I'll always love you. You've got a warm heart and a beautiful mind. I love you more than I could ever love anyone."

     "Can we, um," Bucky stops, stalling what he wants to say. Steve gives him a reassuring smile, encouraging Bucky to go on. "Can you be with me? Like, can we be together?" Bucky says. He doesn't know how to ask, but Steve knows exactly what he wants. What they both want.

     "I'll be your boyfriend," Steve says. "I'll be yours." Bucky smiles. But it's real this time. It's not one of the fake ones he'd been giving Steve for almost a year. It's a true, genuine smile. Steve wipes away Bucky's tears, and he doesn't flinch. He just lets it happen. Steve pulls Bucky into another hug, wrapping his arms tightly around Bucky. "I love you, baby," Steve says. Bucky gets butterflies at the nickname. Baby.

     "I love you, too, Stevie." Bucky says with a yawn. Steve pulls away from the hug, meeting Bucky's tired eyes. Bucky uses his flesh hand and rubs his eye sleepily.

     "You didn't sleep, did you?" Steve says, to which Bucky nods.

     "I'm sorry," he says. Steve notices his slow, slurred words and his extended blinks.

     "Don't be," Steve pulls the covers over Bucky. "Come here," Steve says as he opens his arms. Bucky accepts the hug and Steve lays down, Bucky's head on his chest. Bucky involuntarily closes his eyes, not realizing he did as Steve rubs his back slowly.

     "I'm still scared, Stevie," he slurs. "I just, I don't want to go back."

     "You won't go back. I'll make sure of that. Just know that you're safe here," Steve says. "You don't have to be afraid." Bucky wipes the tears from his eyes.

     "I keep crying, I'm sorry." he whispers.

     "No, it's totally fine. It's healthy," Steve says back.

     "Can I talk to you?" Bucky asks.

     "Of course, love." Steve answers. Bucky starts talking. He talks about what he remembers from childhood, who he remembers he killed, what HYDRA did to him, how he feels about it all. He cries so much and he's so sure that Steve will get mad at him, but he doesn't. Instead, he listens. He listens and comforts and feels for Bucky. Once he's done, Bucky asks Steve to talk to him about anything, claiming that his voice calms him down. He doesn't think Steve would do it, but he does. He talks about the Avengers and how he felt when he and Bucky met. He explains what's new in the world they're both still figuring out. Bucky falls asleep while Steve is still talking, and it doesn't take long for the brunette to follow.  So when Bucky woke up with Steve's arms wrapped around him, he knew Steve was safe. He knew Steve would be the one who's always there with him, and that was all he needed.