Aesthetically Vintage |Punk!H.S|

The Dinner

Chapter 47

*trigger warning*

The one thing I haven't missed since my mom died was the fact she died. The constant thought of her being dead always in my mind. The waking up knowing she's not there, going to school listening to other girls talk about there Mom doing their hair for prom, coming home not smelling here cooking, realizing that I'm going to graduate, get my first actual job, engaged, married and she won't be there because she's dead.

It seemed no matter what it was forever present. But not tonight, tonight is new, tonight is great. . . because my family is having dinner, dinner Holly and I made, albeit in silence, but we got through making a meal together. A dinner we made for Jacob's win in his wresting tournament that the four of us just got home from. We made dinner for dad, Jacob, Holly and I, and Harry, and his parents and sister.

We eat creamy pasta and potatoes, with a side of string beans. Mine and Harry's parents talk like the friends they've always been. Holly is interacting with Gemma, Jacob is getting to know Harry, wondering how many weights he does.

In this very minute and twelve seconds I realize my mind isn't heavy with the knowledge of my dead mother. I'm not sad underneath, I'm actually happy.

I don't feel guilty about being happy. I'm not angry at mother anymore either.

She had problems, problems I can't blame her for, she was unhappy and tried to be happy, but she couldn't. She didn't something she thought was plausible. I can't be angry at her, I won't be. I won't be angry at my dad anymore either, he's said and done things that I've forgiven, though will be hard to forget. I will go easy on my sister because I'm leaving soon, I'll miss Jacob too much.

I wont be putting pressure on myself to do more than my fare share, I won't be angry at myself for feeling guilty or being happy.

__________________________

A/N. just a filler