thirty three

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muffin man
10:43 AM








mia
I have found myself in a conundrum

muffin man
why are you texting me then?

mia
BECAUSE I WANT TO YOU ASSHOLE

muffin man
do you find joy out of calling people mean names?

mia
they're not mean
I call it as I see it

muffin man
and how does that make you feel?

mia
well, I'm not exactly proud of it
it's not like I want to call people names
I know those names are mean but I don't have any other way of saying what I really feel

muffin man
I see
do you ever consider how other people feel when you call them names?

mia
I've never thought about that
they always call me names back so I end up thinking they're just playing along and they know that I never mean those words in a way that will hurt them

muffin man
mhm mhm
continue

mia
I know that these names come off as mean and may sound as if I'm purposely trying to offend someone, but I'm not
I just don't really like talking about my feelings or what's going on inside my head
so this nickname calling became a habit I picked up to make me feel better
I find humor in it and it makes me feel better when in reality I feel like shit

muffin man
you do know everyone can see through you right?

mia
I wouldn't say everyone
maybe a select few, like soobin or heeseung
but everyone? nah

muffin man
what about sunghoon?

mia
I choose to ignore him

muffin man
😐

mia
NOT IN A BAD WAY OF COURSE
even if I tried to ignore him, he wouldn't let me
what I meant was I know he can see through me and probably knows me better than myself, but I don't want to acknowledge it

muffin man
why not?

mia
if I finally admit to myself that he knows, I'll end up just feeling like shit
and a bad girlfriend
because I've been "hiding" my feelings from him for too long and he always pours his heart out to me and it just hurts

muffin man
I see
I'm sending this to sunghoon btw

mia
YOU BITCH
DID YOU ONLY ANSWER JUST TO RAT ME OUT IN THE END
I THOUGHT YOU WERE BETTER THAN THIS

muffin man
WELL IT'S NOT MY FAULT SUNGHOON'S WORRIED ABOUT YOU LIKE A GOOD BOYFRIEND SHOULD BE

mia
h-he's worried about me? 🥺

muffin man
mia look at yourself and tell me who isn't worried about you

mia
SHUT UP RAT 🐀

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