Jihyo - You Calling My Name

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Its been 6 months since we broke. You're the one that broke this relationship. At first, I was wondering what is the reason we broke, we're doing just fine. Then, my friends told me that I'm a workaholics, always been at work until past midnight and come back before the office hours start. Not just that, your friends also told me that I always hurt you whenever I stress on my work. I'm sorry babe.

Now I realize, everything is my fault. You're busy too but you always make time for me while me, work comes first. I remember on our first anniversary, the dinner just arrive then I got a call. They said its urgent and I told you I need to go. You said "It's alright, I understand you're busy" her smiling face reassuring me that everything fine. That one time we went for date on our free day, but also they called me said there's problem. As the project manager, I was worried and I said to you the same thing. You smiling again and I left you for work.

Also, there's this one night that I've been so stress with my project and you being you, caring about me but then I shouted to you and pushed you. I heard you cry but I just do nothing. I know you always smile and protect me whenever your friends say something bad about me.  I remember when you called me telling me that your group, Twice won a daesang but I just congrates you without any present waiting for you. After several months being like this, one day you said you want a dinner at home with me, I agree. But I come home late cause I finish my project.  You said you being tired with all this things, me and my never ending works, you said I changed. 

That night, we fought. I protect myself and begging you not to leave me. I promised you that I'll change and spend more time with you. I hugged you, kissed you, calm you. That night, we're still together. I changed. I went back home early, we went dates and I visit you at work too. You being happy again, shine bright. 

But it just last for a month. I'm back to my workaholics attitude. Being worst, I sleep at my office not knowing our house being enter by thief. Luckily, there's security around. That night, you sleep at your dorm with your members cause you're traumatize of being alone. I only know about it when I'm back home the next night. The security said they try to reach me but I realize my phone are die. Then, I went out to search you. I quickly go to your dorm and found you there. I was grateful that you're fine. I said that you'll be safe at the dorm so I left you there without reassuring you anything.

A month you stay at your dorm. I'll never called to checked on you even once, it's always you're the one that checked on me. Your friends said to you to leave me, but you said we're still fine, just me being busy with works. Your friends were tired to see you faking smile whenever they asked you about me. That's how much you loved me, so much.

Until one day, you finally being tired with me. You packed your stuffs and wrote a letter for me caused you know if our eyes met, you will fall in love again. In that letter, you said we're breaking up. You said I deserve someone else better. You sorry for everything. You thanked me everything. That day, I lost someone special. I lost you, Jihyo, the one that always wait for me, patient with me. 

I lost my shining bright. I start drinking. I dont go to work for 2 weeks. My friends start looking for me while I always been locked up in my room. I never charge my phone, so whenevr they called, it straight to mailbox. I being a mess, with my messy beards and messy long hair. My room smell like alcohol, the house mess. Your room still stay untouched cause they nothing left. Our pictures on frames shattered everywhere. Finally, my friends found me barely alive in my room.

They brought me to hospital. I stay there for 2 weeks. Your friends visit me once but there's no you. I wonder where you go but I never asked them. I spend my 2 weeks in my ward looking out the window, sometimes go to the hospital park. Then, I'm back home. The memories flashed back when we were happy, when we were first moved in the condo, when we cuddling watching horror movies. Every moments are there until the moment I read the letter. I broke again. Crying my heart, calling your name until I asleep.

The next day, I decided to go to work and start new life. Everything was fine until the time I came home. Every night before sleep, every moments will flood me. I cry myself to sleep every night. 

It's come the end of the year. The awards shows will start flooding the whole month until early next year. I always see you with your members at the awards that live on tv. I see your smiling face and cheers ONCEs. Whenever you smile, I smile too. It's feels like falling in love again.

At the beginning of year, as usual there's scandals or dates being reveal. I never care about that news until I heard you name. I look at the tv. Yes, it's you with someone else. I feel blank, empty. I continue my day but in my head it's only you.

Not so long, your company confirm your dating news. I broke down once again. I want you to be with me, calling my name.. Selfish me... I do some background check on him. Protective me.. Kang Daniel, (I know they already broke, but hey its just a fanfiction, let them sail once again) he's nice.. I saw the videos he said about you before the news come out. Then, I realize how much he adores you, loves you... Compares to me, always ignored you.. I'm sorry Ji, I love you and I'll let you go and myself free...

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