Serendipity

Chapter 16: Could never

She pulled them from the deepest corner of her wardrobe and threw them. Letting the papers securely fastened inside, jerk as they hit her floor.

Dalmi was in love with a man named Nam Dosan. She had never felt more vulnerable. He had confessed his love for her and she had run. She was the coward and as much as she wanted to push herself away from her own desires, his words, she couldn't find herself with enough will power to do so.

She crumbled to her knees as she became too weak to think or cooperative with all the words flying around in her aching head. She looked up to the pinkness that caught her glistened eyes, and that's when she saw them.

The untouched flowers from this morning. 'I don't have time'

But she did now. As she picked herself up off the floor, she paced cautiously towards the flowers and hoped that they weren't another piece of Yongsan's game.

Parting the delicate petals, a few fell as she did so and she almost held her breath when they disintegrated in her hands. Seo Dalmi felt so broken but as she fished the bug-free phone from the bundle of flowers; the sight of it weld in her heart and she wondered how she could have been so stupid to not get it from Halmeoni earlier.

Dosan had always used the personal app he made for her, she cursed herself.

'When love is not madness, it is not love' – Pedro Calderson de la Barco

-Dosan x

As she read the message, she felt herself sink into the quote but then for just the briefest moment, she wanted to know why. Why he would send her this today of all days. Why wait until now. But then it occurred to her, she knew this wasn't just a business deal and of course he did too.

The file, the Sandbox building, being wrapped in his arms, the personal message app, the peonies, the dress, the look in his eyes, the feel of his arms wrapped around her waist as he talked about his insignificance. Him.

_______________

His mind was a blur. Dosan had wished Chulsan a good evening and found solace in escaping in his sleek car.

One glass of that sweet, burning nectar down his throat was nowhere near enough to satisfy him from the humiliation of being pushed away once again.

As much as his mind thought sexual revenge was a good mix with his alcohol consumption, his body wouldn't allow it, not after her and truthfully, it hadn't since the moment they were locked away in his bedroom weeks past. A sensation he had never experienced before. It wasn't sex, it was love.

Stupidly he had confessed such a thing, hoping she would fall into his arms. She made him need to. Want to, but he had his answer and it only gave him the ammunition to never open his heart again. After all, Yongsan was right; Nam Dosan was an empty pit. Not worthy of love and certainly not worthy to love.

He laughed bitterly as he now stood slumped at his own bar, the memory of his soppy gestures to the stranger he thought beautiful. Oh god, he would never resent her beauty but he resented pulling down his walls for her. He had never wanted someone so much, but now he only wanted to numb it.

Just tiny dots in the distance of irrelevance...

____________

Saha was right; she had forgiven him a long time ago. Maybe weeks but the only thing she could place that was holding her away from him was the power he had over her.

Seo Dalmi was not a weakling. She stood on her own two feet and she wasn't someone's property but when she was in his arms, his bed, his eyes. She had never felt more vulnerable and that's why she ran. The knowledge that if she fell deeper, she wouldn't be able to get out. It scared her to running away every chance she got.