Blank Slate

Chapter 108 - Liam Harris

Mia rolled over in her sleep and pressed her body into mine as she cuddled into my chest. When she finally settled, she resumed her soft whisper-like snores and I gently pulled her hair away from her face. God this woman was beautiful. She was smart, and kind, and proper, and delicate. Basically, she was my opposite in every way. I ran my fingers through her silk-like strawberry blonde hair as I watched her sleep. I had never felt this way about a woman before. Like if I moved wrong, she could bring my entire world crashing down around me. I have always liked women, but I had never delved into the whole relationship thing.

For me, relationships with women had always been purely physical. Any emotional connections that I formed had been between either my family or my friends. I was always tight with my boys in school and had been even closer to the guys in my Army unit. When I made the move to Whistler I made the same deep emotional connections to my team. The only thing I needed from a woman was the one thing I couldn't get from my brother's in arms, sex. And I was a normal guy, so I liked sex. A lot. Therefore I had a lot of sex with a lot of different women. But when I was with Mia, it was different. Somehow it was more than just sex.

I had known Mia was different from any other woman from the moment I saw her in the hospital as she talked to my sister. There was this light, this energy that poured out of Mia and I just wanted to be near her and absorb as much of it as I could.

The week after Grace had been rescued had been fucking rough. I was so thankful that Grace was safe but I was also so fucking useless to help her. She would wake up screaming from a nightmare, drift away into a flashback, or descend into a panic attack and I all I could do was watch. I had never been violated in that way and couldn't find a way to connect with her. I couldn't lead her to safety when she was lost to awful memories. But Mia could.

Mia had stayed with Grace twenty-four-seven during those first days and I watched time and time again as she connected with my baby sister and made her feel safe and calm. It was like each time I witnessed Mia help my sister she drew me further and further into her web of love, devotion, and kindness. Now I was up shit creek without a paddle. Because I am pretty sure I am falling in love with Dr. Mia Hollinger and I was nowhere near worthy enough to keep her. Losing her was going to rip my guts out.

My phone buzzed on the nightstand and I carefully moved to read the message without waking up the angle sleeping on my chest. It was a text from Payton finally getting back to me. I felt like I was in a constant state of worry about that girl. Not in the same way that I was worried about Grace because I knew she was tough as fucking nails. That was part of the problem. Payton was so strong and closed off to the possibility of asking for help, I was worried that she was drowning and I wouldn't figure it out till it was too late.

I knew that Payton needed time away from the rest of the team to come to terms with all of our shit and to fully understand what working with us would mean for her. And I was trying to give her space to do that but was it really too much to ask for a text to let me know she was still alive every once in a while. Payton hasn't initiated one text conversation with me. Other than asking me to come and visit her in Pairs, she has been pulling away and isolating herself ever since Ezra flipped his shit when he learned Payton was the mob witness. I was trying to find the balance of being supportive without driving her further away.

But texts like this one didn't help my peace of mind. It was a grocery list of weapons that would make Abu Bakr al-Bahdai do a double-take. Why the fuck did Payton need enough arms to start a small war? Had the mob found her? No, she would have told me not to bring Grace and Mia if that were the case. Payton always placed other's safety above her own. I said screw the balance and asked flat out. I wasn't going to take Grace and Mia to Paris if there was even a hint of trouble.