Seizing Dreams [B1]

Ch 60.2 - Conflicted

Translated by: DMlations/Zryuu
Edited by: Amelea, FistFullOfDollars and Juurensha

-

Chen Yekai held a knife and fork between his fingers and twirled them around beautifully. His slender fingers manipulated the knife and fork nimbly and pressed a huge shrimp down on the clean plate, then skillfully peeled it with ease. This movement that seemed extremely elegant attracted Yu Hao's attention.

"What did Ryuusei say to you that day in my memory?" Chen Yekai changed the topic, "Is there anything he wanted to convey?"

Yu Hao told Chen Yekai what Ryuusei had told him in the "next life". Chen Yekai laughed and answered, "It sounds a lot like what he wrote in his letter. Cognitive behavioral therapy for depression is the future direction of my professional research as well. After resolving this problem, I want to become a psychological consultant."

"That's great!" Yu Hao quickly said, "Ryuusei will definitely be very happy for you!"

"Freud said," Chen Yekai continued, "Dreams reflect the most important desires in our heart, and every dreamscape represents the expectations we have of our own lives."

Yu Hao remembered now, it had been mentioned in one of his psychology classes as well. Though it was part of the course in his second year, he had already looked through it in advance, "But dreamscapes are very good at the art of camouflage. In order to bypass the scrutiny of our consciousness, it would conceal itself underneath several layers of meaning, or even manifest itself as a contradiction."

Chen Yekai nodded and answered, "Now that I think about it, everything in the Chichén Itzá of my dreams embodied that wish of mine ba, which was to move on from my suffering, engrave my love for Ryuusei in my heart, and greet a new life for my future."

"Just like today, I don't need to avoid mentioning Ryuusei anymore, or the mistakes I made in the past. I no longer need to torture myself. I can remember those beautiful memories from the past and usher in new sunlight."

Yu Hao smiled slightly as he looked at Chen Yekai. Chen Yekai drank some ice water and reflected for a moment before continuing.

"When I first liked Ryuusei, it was only a kind of concern and care out of obligation. Afterwards, without any sort of preparation, I was unexpectedly bombarded by some of his issues. If I had rejected him at first, then perhaps no matter what he did, I wouldn't have felt moved and would only think of it as a kind of burden. At the same time, I would just think of it as a kind of material exchange: the investment of efforts was just in exchange for love."

"I understand!" Yu Hao immediately understood and continued this line of thought, "The two of you were still very good friends at that time. You had no idea at all, and also thought that his original intention was just for you to be......"

Chen Yekai said, "Yes, just for me to be happy. As long as I could keep smiling, he was willing to do anything. He liked making me happy, because it would make him feel blessed too. So I thought that I definitely needed to cherish a friend like him."

"Love isn't simply an exchange." Chen Yekai said, "It's not something where after I give you a present, you would then come to love me a little. If the goal isn't achieved, then the money spent would be in vain......I just want you to be happy, and from that, I would feel fortunate from the bottom of my heart as well."

"I slowly came to realize that I also wanted Ryuusei to be happy, and maybe, that was love. We were used to each other's company, and until the end, I couldn't avoid thinking about him whenever I was free. When I saw him, it was as if my life was filled with sunlight. I wanted to share many things with him, and that should be......love ba."