Still With You

Chapter 3- Sword

Warning ⚠️: self harm

The next day Xue Yang watched Xingchen walk into the store where he was meant to meet his friends. He watched as the man smiled proudly only to watch it fall right back down.
Nobody had noticed. Nobody noticed his new look. His new clothes, new fan, new hair, everything.
His best friends never noticed.
Xue Yang scowled, "Pathetic humans, don't even notice their closest friends." He huffed and looked at Xingchen, who was looking down at the table.
He watched them all walk outside in the rain and watched Xingchen look up at the sky, it seemed as if he was looking straight at him.
Xue Yang smiled softly at the man's calm face. Maybe he should ask the others to make it rain more. He saw the friends say their goodbyes and watched Xingchen walk home again.
He saw Xingchen go straight to his room and sit on his bed. He saw the man raise his legs to his chest and wrap his arms around them. He watched the young man cry in his arms.
A heavy weight fell on to Xue Yang's shoulders, as he watched the scene unfold in front of him.
  He saw Wei Ying knocking on the door. Xingchen stood up from his bed and wiped his tears, before walking to the door calmly and opening it.
  Xue Yang saw them talk a bit before watching Wei Ying hand a sword to Xingchen who smiled and bowed.
   Xingchen went back inside his house and immediately broke down again. Crying into the open air and wiping his tears.
   Xue Yang watched the man wipe his tears and take the sword out. He saw Xingchen bring the sword to an already marked arm and slice through the skin.
  He closed his eyes at the sight that was all to familiar, and winced at the image in his mind.
  "Why must you harm yourself? It won't help you at all, idiot," he whispered. He opened his eyes and saw a few cuts on the man's arm.
   Xue Yang sighed and summoned a butterfly to his hand. The black butterfly landed on his arm, he said, "Go to him, distract him."
  The butterfly flew off and left.

  Xingchen watched the blood drip from his arm and cried softly, he wished he didn't have to feel this way anymore. He wished his friends would notice him for him.
  He went to a mirror and saw his reflection. His eyes were red and puffy and his nose was runny.
Pathetic, he thought, ugly, stupid, fat, slut. All the words that he had been called before, replaying over and over again in his mind. Nobody loves me, they all just pity me, don't they?
   Xingchen looked at his waist in disgust, "I'm so fat," he whispered, "I need to loose more weight." Reality was that he was underweight.
  He needed to gain a few more pounds, not loose them. 
  A fluttering sound came from next to him, he looked up and saw a black butterfly. It was beautiful, with silver stripes and blue dots, it flew around him before flying away into the moon.
  He smiled, There are still things worth living for. He cleaned up his wounds and went to bed, except he didn't sleep.
Xingchen couldn't sleep. All that he could do was lay there awake and think about how much he hated his body and himself as a person.
He knew he helped people even if they were bad. He knew he was too naive. He knew that he deserved to die...he wanted to die.
Ever since he was young, he wanted to die. He even met a new friend from trying to die.
Xue Yang, how could he ever forget the handsome man. The man that kept him company while he was still passed out.
He wished he could see the man one more time. Now he was determined to meet him once again, but he didn't. He couldn't do it.
He couldn't die. Why? Because there were many things to live for. Like the moon, and the sunsets. The fields and the candies. The desserts and the food. The books and the songs.
Everything. Everything there is to live for will always keep him alive.
Even if it means that he has to suffer. Even if it means he will be uncomfortable in life, in his body, in his soul.
He sighed as he finally felt the tears stop. He wiped his face and closed his eyes, before falling into a deep sleep.