The Popstar & Me

Chapter 9 - Crazy Awkward Asians

Chapter 9

I am never one to back down from a challenge. That afternoon, I finally meet up with Calvin and Andrew for our soup dumplings in the tourist trap known as Yuyuan Garden. As we walk through the nick-nack stalls selling roasted quails, dried plums, and endless strands of freshwater pearls, we end up gawking at a beggar who was leading two little kids around to panhandle for him.

"That's something you don't see every day back home," Calvin says thoughtfully, "they have everything here — Asian janitors, Asian police officers, even Asian panhandlers. I always thought Asians could only become doctors, engineers, or laundromat owners."

"I met a Chinese superstar today!" I offer before I remembered that maybe I shouldn't be sharing details about an encounter I was one-hundred-percent sure I wasn't supposed to be a part of.

"Wow, really?" Andrew asks as he leads us to the whitest thing in all of Yuyuan Garden — a bubble tea store. "Anyone we would have heard of?"

"Nah," I immediately reply. I've been teased too many times in middle school about my crush on BTS to want to broach the subject of overseas superstars ever again. Even though Andrew was hardly a weight lifter, I'm sure the first thing he'll say that is Asian superstars look scrawny next to Van Diesel or something. That's the usual knee-jerk response.

"Cool," Calvin offers as he helps Andrew order three Brown Sugar Milk Teas. "So, what have you been doing here the past couple of days, Sara?"

"I've been thinking about starting a food blog," I reply. Yes, I have a list of hobbies to talk about. I didn't want to seem like a loser who was obsessing about Calvin's biceps the whole time. "Maybe I'll take pictures of foods I have here and post reviews of them. I can be like Mark Weinz."

"You're so much cuter than Mark Weinz," Calvin assures me, and I could feel myself starting to blush. "You're going to get two million subscribers overnight."

"What are you going to call it?" Andrew asks as he inhales his bubble tea in two gulps. I notice that he had barely touched the tapioca. Figures.

"I haven't thought of a name yet. How about Sara in Shanghai?"

"Too boring," Andrew replies and pushes his glasses up his nose in his typical nerdy fashion. "How about Bubble Tea Girl?"

"Bubble Tea Girl?" I ask and wrinkle my nose. "That sounds so stupid."

"Hey, it's set in Asia, about traveling, and everyone at home has heard of bubble tea," Andrew offers. "Think about it."

"Maybe you should make a food blog and name it after the most common thing people associate with your ethnicity," Calvin offers with a laugh. "How about Supersize Hamburger Boy?"

Andrew laughs at that and slaps his thigh. "With extra ketchup."

"Sorry, it's an inside joke," Calvin says to me as the two boys break down in giggles. "We went to an Applebee-wannabe diner for dinner last night, and they had burgers the size of basketballs. This monster had like twenty beef patties and about ten more slices of bacon on top. We couldn't even get it to fit on my Instagram live video. On the menu, they called it the Real New York City Burger."

"Because that's what we eat in America. The people here must think — no wonder Americans are so fat," Andrew chips in.

"Hey, to be fair, if you judge American food by the chain fast food restaurants that opened here, you'll think ketchup was a major food group," Calvin continues.

"Okay, boys, enough with your burger talk before I throw up. Is it time for our reservation yet?"

"Yeah, let's get a move on," Andrew offers and races Calvin to the doorway of the restaurant at the center of Yuyuan Garden. I chase after them, and we're three giggling kids drawing the stares of all the prim and proper adults around us. It's fun as heck, but not sexy. Nope, I'm not a single step closer to getting in Calvin's pants now that Andrew keeps butting in between us.