Rock, Paper, Scissors

'the boy i loved'-part 1

Darna did not talk to me for the entire week after my episode in the cafeteria or maybe I hadn't talked to either of them. I wasn't sure why I was feeling so agitated by her all of a sudden and it was making me upset as to what had happened to us. We used to be inseparable and now, we had so much distance between us. I had yet to talk to John and Dylan too but I was afraid. I was no longer Sila, the wise one. It was more like the pussy who couldn't face her emotions.
I

t was a dull, Saturday afternoon, and lonelier than usual. I kept telling myself, getting into a good university or college was more important than any of this but at the same time, was it really living if I kept ignoring the things that made me happy. Thinking about how all of this would be over in a couple weeks just scared the shit out of me and I did not want to have any regrets. Penny was right. So I got of my bed, grabbed my jacket and rushed out the front door. For the first time in my life, I did not even tell my mom and dad where I was going.
My heart was pounding as I ran, and I ran and I ran. Tears were running down my face, and I wasn't sure why. Maybe cause I was sick of fighting my feelings. I needed to find him and tell him how I felt. My head was throbbing and legs were aching when I found myself standing outside his front porch. He lived a couple blocks away and I was surprised I had managed to run all the way here. The things love made you do.
I was sweating profusely, but I couldn't give any less fucks. It was now or never, so I rang the doorbell.
My heart lept to my throat as a woman opened the front door.
"Mrs. Miller! Hi!" I panted. "Is John home?"
She seemed quite delighted to see me and quickly nodded. "Yes, come in Sila. It's so good to see you again."
I took a deep breath and followed her inside. Fuck, I was regretting running all the way to his house cause I probably looked shit and smelled like sweat.
"Would you like some soda, darling?" John's mother asked and I noticed her belly growing that instant as she led me to the stairs.
"Oh my goodness, Mrs. Miller, congratulations!" I exclaimed out of genuine joy.
She flushed. "Thankyou. Let me just get John for you. He's in his room upstairs."
"Oh no no please," I said quickly. "You shouldn't. I can go see him myself if that is okay with you."
"More than okay," she smiled as I made my way climbing up the stairs. "And Sila?"
I turned to look at her.
"He will be very happy to see you."
I wasn't quite sure about that. Lowkey, I was about to shit my pants but she didn't have to know that so I just smiled back.
Ofcourse she knew about us and how close we were. The door to his room was left slightly ajar and I wanted to peek in to see what he was doing before entering. So I did.
There he was, laying on his back, wearing his headphones, the laptop placed on his tummy while he stared at the screen with utter concentration. I was being a fucking creep watching like that but I assumed he must have been playing a game. For a second, I almost changed my mind but I had come this far. So, I knocked.
"Mom, I'm not hungry." He called out and I chuckled at how he had no idea.
"It's not mom," I answered slowly opening his door.
John jerked his head towards me and his jaw dropped open. "Sila?" I watched him as he pulled the headphones off and the laptop off him. I noticed his black shorts and the tank top that showed off his arms that I loved so much.
"What are you doing here?" he stuttered, getting up and ushering me to come in. Taking a deep breath, I inhaled his scent and I instantly felt my body heat up. That's what his presence did to me and I was hoping I did the same to him too. Well, I know I did.
"Your mom let me come up," I said softly looking around his room and thinking back to the night I had been here the last time.
"Come, sit." He said, his voice shaking and pushed everything off his bed to make space for me. As I sat down, the only sound was the slight creaking of the bed. We both looked at each other in complete, awkward silence and I couldn't help but notice his heaving chest. How was I supposed to gather the courage to say it to him while his blue eyes were looking at me so thoroughly?
I opened my mouth to say something when he interrupted me, "Should I put on some music? Yes?"
John didn't wait for me to answer and shuffled around for his phone and connected it to his speakers. He chuckled to himself nervously putting on a song. (James Arthur -Medicine) He then closed the door to his room and I smiled watching him act like that.
"Miller.." I got to my feet and held out my hand for him to take it. Without any protest he took it and it felt so warm, so perfect and my heart was already racing. Getting on my tip toes, I brought my mouth to his planting a soft peck on his lips.
"What are you doing, Sila?" he pushed me away, cheeks flushed. "Why are you here?"
It was understandable why he was skeptical of me. "Miller..I.. I wanted to.."
"You wanted to what Sila?"
"Hear me out, please!"
Tears were welling up in my eyes at the harsh tone of his voice but I had to let it out. "Miller I know I have pushed you away and I have been ignoring how I have felt about you."
His blue eyes softened when he noticed my lips quivering. "What is it that you feel?"
"I love you, John Miller."
A grin formed on his lips and I could have sworn I had never seen a happier smile on his face.
"I fucking love you." He whispered swooping me up into his arms crashing his mouth into mine. The ache in my heart instantly faded when I felt those familiar, strong arms around me.
He laid me back down on the bed, sliding on top me, our lips not parting for a second. My mind was running with a barrage of nonsense thoughts, but I didn't care. All I cared about was him, and us. My body heat elevated and I wanted him.
"Your mom.." I managed to breathe out as soon as he moved his mouth away from mine.
"I know," he grinned and moved his hand down, exploring my body while his other hand moved to my lower back. "Just focus on me."
Miller kissed me again like even the slightest distance in that moment would be too much to bear. My heart was pounding so hard against my ribs as I was ready to give myself to him. To the boy I loved.