some things are better left unsaid ; shizaya | ✔️

《 3 》

《 3 》

Present Day |

Do you want to know what's funny? Is the fact that I was infatuated with Shizuo in high school, and you can take that as you want. You can take that in the sense that I was obsessed with the blonde protozoan, if you want to, because quite frankly I was.

I think I spent all my time at high school following and annoying Shizuo, to no end. There wasn't a day that went by, where I didn't say something or do something. I irritated him ridiculously.

But, no. I'm not talking about an obsession. Well, I am. But not in that sense, at least.

Before I knew that Shizuo was so incredibly strong, and so interesting, I found myself infatuated with the male in the romantic sense. Believe me, I know what you're thinking. You think I've lost the plot. But believe me, I know what I felt. And you could argue, that what I was feeling wasn't love, it was obsession, and because I have never known what love is. But I knew what I felt.

I used to find myself following Shizuo around, and now I know that sounds like I stalked the protozoan around the school, but believe me, I did no such thing. I just followed him around from time to time because I was infatuated with him.

And then, everything came to a head, when I made Shizuo unbelievably mad. I hadn't meant to. I said something that he took in the wrong way, and he blew his fuse, and that's when I discovered just how interesting he really was as a person. That's when I became obsessed with him completely. I was obsessed with his reactions. What made him angry. What made him happy. What made him to be the person that he is. How his body works compared to a normal human beings. He was just so... interesting.

We became enemies shortly after that conversation. Everything I've ever said or done after that conversation has always annoyed him to no end. I'm not sure what it is about me that makes him blow his fuse every single time, but he always has. He just detests me.

It's a shame, really. We could of been so good together. Ah, well. No harm, no foul, and all that.

But the reason why I brought up Shizuo was because I discovered how good it felt embracing my sexuality for once, instead of pretending I was someone that I wasn't. I blame my parents and I always have. They tried to convince me that I should only be attracted to girls, and everything else was wrong. I've never believed that for a second. You should be allowed to like whoever you like.

Oh, listen to me. Don't I sound very different? Well, I'm sorry. Talking about my sexuality as always made me feel this way. Whatever.

But speaking of Shizuo, I'm sure you want to know about yesterday. Yes, I did get punched in the face by that blonde protozoan. But, of course, I did. My head wasn't in the right headspace. I couldn't stop thinking about my parents yesterday and how they always made me feel.

So, here's how it went. As the blonde’s fist came towards me, I froze. Completely. I couldn't move at all. My heart was pounding, my mind was racing, but my body was frozen. If I could of moved, I of course, wouldn't have a painful, bruised cheek now. But like I said, it wasn't the worse of my problems. My problems came straight afterwards. After I had been hit... I couldn't breath. Move. Make sense of anything. I couldn't do anything, but my mind could. My mind went into a complete overdrive. Thoughts completely wracking my brain. Thoughts of my parents, and how they used to treat me. Even now... I still can't stop thinking about it.