Captivated

Beach Day

Luca 

I grab my towel and phone and quickly follow T on her heels down to the beach where the boys are already messing about. God knows what they are going to think we have been up to in the house alone together and coming out for it together!

Valentina has been touching on a very vulnerable part of my heart, I vowed to myself to not get into any more relationships whilst on my gap year and then studying; after everything that I have put myself through I owe it to myself to give me a chance to make a do over. However, this sweet young lady has captivated me into a trance too many times already and a week being on the island hasn't even past yet. I feel bad for snapping sometimes, I really do but I think I go into defence mode like that so quickly as a self protection method, I need to look after myself like I have done for so long, that's what I was brought up to learn to survive and showing vulnerability is a sign of weakness which I find hard to show, even to Adam my best pal, he is like a brother to me. When it is just me and him then yes it is easier but as a group, that is when I am at my worst, my most defensive just sulking in the corner, barely looking up and avoiding all eye contact; if I keep up the act of this harsh exterior then no one can get close and no one can see my vulnerability. 

This has been my down fall with Valentina, it kills me to be so harsh and blunt sometimes with her, especially after having some really close moments, moments that I can only describe as feeling dreamy. I know I have to go careful with her, she has had a rough past and has also been hurt so the last thing I want to do is bring that up for her, I want to show her that some men are different but I'm having an internal battle trying to keep up a wall to protect myself but also feeling a burning urge to protect this girl and to give her a safe space. I feel like this wall I have up is made of tissue paper and every kind word and touch she gives me is a new tear and she is beginning to tear it down into pieces. 

As we get onto the beach we get a big applause and whoops from the boys, "Umm no guys get your heads out of the gutter, nothing happened!" Valentina said before turning bright red, she looked at me and then put her head in her hands obviously feeling very uncomfortable with the others presuming what we had been doing alone together all morning and I could only imagine the thoughts going through their heads, she looked at me for reassurance and a look as if to back her up and tell them nothing happened and to control my boys. "Oi boys that's enough leave the poor girl alone. Nothing happened, can we not just hang out together without people presuming things. We aren't all like Adam, with his boxers round his ankles at any opportunity he gets" I laugh at this last point and look to my left to see T with her hand over her mouth laughing at Adam. Adam just looked at me with a straight face, clearly not amused. 

I watch as Valentina walks over to pick her spot in the sand, she cheekily stuck her tongue out at Adam which was reciprocated with a wink from Adam.She took her spot, threw down her towel and sat down, proceeding to rub sun cream in her body, she was doing well until she reached her back and she just couldn't reach that spot between her shoulder blades and the small of her back. I could see her getting frustrated that she couldn't reach, she turned around to face Adam with a frown on her face, muttered a few words that I couldn't understand and handed Adam the bottle of cream for him to rub in those hard to read places. This sparked my jealously although not in a way that felt threatened as I could tell by the relationship Valentina and Adam were forming it was very much a friendship and to an extent a brother, sister relationship. I feel like this would be a good thing for them, a close friend in the house as I am not much to rely on! 

I break out of the trance Valentina always seems to hold on me and find my own spot on the beach; the only proper spot left is between T and Benny. I made my way over and did the same as T and laid out my towel and sat down. I took off my shirt and proceeded to lie back and soak of the sun rays, using my t-shirt as a pretty uncomfortable pillow but can't be picky now can we.