Clusterfuck

xiii

They finish the project in near silence, despite Leo's multiple efforts to strike up conversation. Toby hardly speaks at all the entire hour and a half they're there, only nodding and shaking his head should he need to contribute any kind of feedback.

"We did good," Leo says as they exit the library.

"Yeah."

"So now that that's over with, do—"

"We go our separate ways."

Leo stills and looks toward Toby with a confounded expression tugging at his eyebrows. "What?"

Toby clears his throat. "Um. We—we agreed that after we finished this, we wouldn't have to talk to each other anymore."

Leo stares at him, his mouth hanging open for a brief moment before he manages to snap it shut, his teeth audibly clacking together in his mouth.

"Wait," he says, running his fingers through his hair. "Wait, okay, I thought—I thought we're friends now. I thought we were getting along."

Toby keeps his gaze set on the ground. "We were getting along," he agrees quietly. "But I think we should just go back to not knowing each other."

"But—why?"

"Because. I-I just... don't think I can be friends with you."

He spares a tiny glance up, and Leo looks as though he's just been backhanded across the face. Guilt stabs at Toby's stomach, but he forces himself to refrain from pressuring the wounds that gradually begin to seep. It's agonizing.

"Look, it's not that I... like, don't like you, or something," Toby tells him. He feels feverish. "Actually, it's—it's kinda because—"

Because I do.

"Okay. Look. I know we got off on the wrong foot," Leo says, speaking with his hands again, flapping them around in distress. "And I'm sorry for that. I really, really am. But I still want to be friends with you. I think you're—I think you're really cool, and—funny, and... stuff. I won't—I won't try anything. I promise."

Toby swallows. "I believe you," he croaks. "But this... is more about me. I guess. So just... don't bother me. Okay?"

Bother. The word tasted bad coming out of his mouth. Why did he have to use the word bother? It seems too harsh. Like Leo is a thorn in his side that he can't remove. It's not that painful. Bother makes it seem like Leo's an annoying little kid that doesn't know the definition of no after begging for a toy from the store. It's not that burdensome.

There were plenty of other choices. Why didn't Toby just use one of them?

Toby tries not to think too much about it—though, admittedly, it's already a bit late for that. He bids Leo farewell with a meek raise of his hand before slumping off toward his car.

Fuck. He could have at least driven Leo home first.

~ ~ ~

The person Toby least expects to see is standing in front of his apartment door as he approaches. The reason he's so surprised is because, really, it's not surprising at all—but things have been going the exact opposite of Toby's way, recently, so honestly, if he were to come home to a serial killing clown punching his doorbell, he would probably just sigh.

And run. Sigh and then run.

But anyway. It's not a murderous clown. It's Vicki. Reggie's girlfriend. Someone who is actually likely to be near their home.

"Oh, hey," she greets him looking up from her phone with a half smile. "Toby, right?"

"Uh, yeah," he responds, scratching the back of his head with one hand and digging for his keys with the other. "What are you doing out here?"