Inferius | Regulus Black

Never

Regulus was drowning.

He held his breath, waiting for her answer, waiting for her to say something until it became unbearable. He gasped in a breath and then two, the air burned as it hit his already tortured lungs.

Annabelle said nothing still. He did not know how much time had passed. He would not be surprised if he opened his eyes and she was not there at all. He would not be surprised if she had left him. Just left him.

Regulus knew the feeling all too well. That sense of abandonment. The feeling of emptiness, of hopelessness of knowing that he deserved this.

That he was a coward. He was dishonest, and terrible, and he- Regulus needed to speak. The words got caught in his throat. Tangled in a mess of apologies and I love yous.

He deserved this agony for attempting to trap her as Hades did Persephone, attempting to fool her into loving a monster, convincing himself that if she could love him just for a little while before she even knew, it would be worth it.

The ache in his lungs was terrible. He needed to say something, anything that might convince Annabelle that as broken, and selfish, and cowardly as he was, he could pull himself together into some semblance of a person she could be with still.

"I-" He started but the rest of his words failed him.

I don't want you to go.

Her silence washed over him again like a wave, pushing him further beneath the water until speaking just seemed futile.

Regulus waited. He waited for Annabelle to turn her back on him, and walk away. He waited for her footsteps retreating in the distance, the longing to go with her, the inability to follow.

His eyes were clenched tightly as he resisted the urge to crumble into her arms. She had never held any of this against him. But this was different.

This was war.

This could not be fixed with an anecdote about a childhood spent in front of his family tree with a book open trying to learn more about the great family he belonged to, vowing to make them proud.

Regulus' breathing hitched again when he felt her thumb brush over the harsh red lines that ran over the dark mark.

He did not deserve her. She did not deserve this.

He could not force her to stay, only let her know how terribly he did not want her to go. He would stay away if that's what she wanted. He could hardly bare to think about how she may look at him now.

Perhaps it would be best if she just stopped looking at him at all.

Her hand was cold on the side of his face, he had not realized he was still crying until he felt her wipe away his tears.

Regulus' hand held hers to his face, not in any attempt to trap it there merely in the hopes that his hand might warm hers. He kissed her palm.

"Regulus?" She said softly, suddenly there was air to breathe again. He felt her move closer to him. "Look at me."

"I-I can't." Said Regulus. Hating that words that ought to be poetic confessions of how much he loved and adored every piece of her she had allowed him the privilege of knowing came out as monosyllabic stammers. "I don't, I can't watch you go."

Annabelle fell silent again. Regulus would have given his life to know what was going through her head.

"If you want to, I'll let you go, but- I just, I don't want to." He whispered.

Regulus wanted to love her. More than she would ever allow him to.

"I know I don't deserve you." He muttered, "And I was just- I was just living on borrowed time until you figured that out."