Live , Laugh , Love (Sebastian Stan )

chp.26 - A Big Suprise

How about this color for the nursery?" I asked, and Seb's face got a puzzled look.

"How about pink and green?" he asked, pointing to the samples.

"I think little Kayla will love it." I smiled, patting my jutted-out tummy. My little kicker was a girl, as Seb and I had found out at our last ultrasound....

I let my mind wander back to the day Seb and I found out I was pregnant....

"Seb What if it's like some out-of-country disease that only certain people get? What if I'm dying?" I asked, burying my head into his chest.

"Honey, I would never let that happen." He looked deeply into my eyes and sat back down in the waiting room chair, pulling me down with him. "I'm sure it's just the flu."

"Rachael Stan ? I jumped at my new name. "The doctor will see you now."

Seb took my hand and we walked warily into the examining room. "We're in this together. Forever." Seb whispered as we entered the brightly lit room.

The doctor gestured for me to sit down on the crackly plastic seat and I obeyed. Seb stood next to me.

The doctor gave me a good look and sighed before he spoke. "We seem to be in a bit of a pickle." He said, smiling sheepishly.

My stomach dropped. How would my family deal with this? How would Seb deal with this? I would not die on him. We were supposed to be in this together. Forever.

The doctor noticed my tortured expression and smiled reassuringly. "There's nothing wrong with you, Rachael." He said, and I let out a big whoosh of breath. Seb visibly relaxed next to me. "You see," he continued. "It seems that you may be...well...expecting."

The stomach dropped even lower. I was pregnant? My eyes filled with tears and Seb pulled me to his chest.

"Now," the doctor said, "it would be best if we took care of this from the beginning. Your reports say that you are not able to deliver a child... Is that correct?"

I nodded my head, horrified at what I knew was coming next.

"Well, I think it would be in your best interest to get an abortion." He said slowly, choosing his words carefully. "There would be a great risk for you if you did not."

I gulped. Could I do that? My baby?

No. No I could not.

Seb looked at the doctor seriously. "What if we keep it?" Seb understood. I felt a little better.

The doctor looked to me. "There's a seventy five percent chance Rachael will not make it through the delivery. Or miscarriage like she did last time."

I winced and looked up to Seb . His face was completely morose, but I knew him well enough to know what he would want if that was the case. My decision would not make him happy.

They were not speaking English at the moment. I could barely hear their voices. All I could hear was the sound of my baby-well, I assumed it was my baby-crying. Upset. Sebastians child. My child. Our child.

I took a deep breath. "No." I said, sure.

Sebastian looked down at me, bewildered.

"No." I repeated. "I will not kill our child." My hand flew to my stomach instinctively, and I held back a gasp.

It was not a question. I would keep my baby. Even if it killed me.

It's funny how I fell in love with my little girl that day. There was no way I could kill something that the love of my life and I created. She was our little baby. And she always would be, whether I was here to share the experience or not.