He looked back at her from where he was standing over the water he was putting ice cubes in for her
Her eyes were red and puffy, her lips red and swollen from her biting it to hold in her sobs,
He must he insane because he thought she looked beautiful, she always looked beautiful, always
"Thank you" she said taking the water from his hand, he moved to sit beside her on her small red leather couch
The silence was full, too many words,even though unspoken hanging between the both of them. Her scent heavy in every breath he took, his eyes caught her small shelf, his new book filling a row,
Five, she had bought five copies. One for each book signing he realized.
I wasn't planning for our first reunion to be like that
But she had chickened out so fast,
"You left without getting your book signed" he mumbled out
"Hmm?"
"You left without getting your book signed. I saw you, I ran after you too...although I ended up thinking I imagined you there" she was looking at her hands, he wanted her to look at him,
"I was going to but I wasn't ready"
Would she ever have been ready? How many more book signings would it have taken?
"Although now that I think about it, I never would have been ready enough"
"You hurt me sooyoung. Hurt is even a mild word to describe what I felt and even still feel, but for a week after I got back I couldn't stay awake. Just in this state of utter and complete dejection and misery and pain, so much pain it felt like my heart was stopping little by little. I can't put it into words, what you leaving did to me. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, I won't lie and say the idea of wanting you to hurt or feel guilt hasn't crossed my mind, it has more times than I'm comfortable admitting, in fact I thought seeing you cry would give me satisfaction but It hasn't, I don't like seeing you cry"
He was going off topic, what was the topic again? It was only when he heard her sniffle that he realized she was crying again
"Because my hurt was so great, I didn't try to think of you,look at things from your perspective...I'm here because I want to know sooyoung. I want to listen and I want to try to understand as best as I can without projecting my anger or pain on you or your experiences" she was still crying quietly as he moved close to her
"Look at me sooyoung" he placed his hand on hers and turned her face gently to face him with a hand on her chin, her eyes were red rimmed and puffy. Her lashes still wet with tears and namjoon resisted the urge to kiss them away, but instead he opted for brushing one stray tear off her the softness of her cheek,
"Please look at me. Don't cry anymore, I can leave and we can do this some other time if it's too much for you"
"No don't leave. I just need a few minutes please"
She excused herself and he settled to look around her living room, pictures of Wendy and her, he was finally remembering why he had thought Wendy looked so familiar. This place was bigger than the last place, she had more space to work, there were boxes with joyful on them. Her business must be doing really well, he was happy for her. He wondered if she was anywhere close to owning a beach house in jeju. Wondered if that was still something she wanted.
He was getting ahead of himself, way ahead of himself. She was back with her hair in a messy bun and a little bit of water on her face
"Would you like some soju?" Her voice was quiet, weak even. He nodded and sat up as she placed the small soju glass in front of him,
