'Hey Kim Namjoon. Did your phone break?' She was in front of him, he could see the faint pink on her cheeks clearly. Could see the glittery gloss on her lips, could see that the earing dangling in her ears were a crescent moon not a star
'Hello? Namjoon?' His heart thumping away in his chest, the idea of her being so close to him messing with his head and making him want everything that he had told himself that he would not
'Sehun I'll call you some other time...reception isn't very clear' he cut the call and turned to walk away
"Namjoon"
"What?", a bit harsher than he had intended, feeling a small regret as he watched her flinch
"Please don't leave"
"I booked a flight,I'm sorry" he was lying now? It didn't matter that he enjoyed the hurt that flashed across his face he was lying like a little bitch and he hated it
" I didn't book a flight, but I really do not see why I should be here_"
"Look I'm sorry_"
"Don't...don't say anything you wouldn't mean sooyoung. Don't patronize me"
"That's not what I'm doing. Namjoon you're here because of me, it would kill me if you just left like this. Please don't leave"
"I can't be here and just pretend like last night didn't happen sooyoung. I can't look at you and not feel like the biggest fucking idiot on the entire universe because It doesn't matter how angry I get, I can't say no when it comes to you...and I can't take this constant push and pull- and I'm not obtuse enough to blame you when I knew how much of a one way street this was from the very beginning" he ran his hand through his hair and took off his glasses, its weight suddenly uncomfortable on his nose, he looked at her again and her face a faint blur, his bad eyesight a blessing for once
"I wanted to at least congratulate hyung shik personally but I couldn't even take my eyes off you since you walked in....it's always like that with you sooyoung, I can't function with you anywhere around me" he shook his head and let out a sigh " I always want more with you and you don't have more to give...so tell me why shouldn't I just leave?"
"It was never a one way street and it's unfair that you'd put it like that. I wanted this as much as you did. Fuck maybe even more than you...." "And I'm so sorry about yesterday,I don't know what else to say other than I panicked because it felt like I did and at the same time I needed to be alone so..I don't know. We can figure this out later please, stay with me" he was at a disadvantage to begin with, he was stupid enough for believing that he could walk out on her. He let her take her hand in his. Smiled beside her as he congratulated the new couple, hating the sympathetic look on Rias face, taking his seat beside her
His eyes settling on the mole on her shoulder....sighing in relief when she leaned back into him. What was it that chaeyoung had told him the last time he saw her?
'You don't know love until you know fear and I don't see fear when you look at me namjoon. Even if you tried you'd never love me enough....The way I want to be loved'
He thought she sounded ridiculous, she was eighteen and he twenty. What did either of them have to be afraid of? He didn't understand her then, even though he liked her so much he thought he'd go crazy, chased her with as much earnestness as a twenty year old could muster, his infatuation,the highlight of his life then.
He understood it now, sooyoungs weight on his chest, his hand toying with the strap of her gown, mind a far place from the ongoing ceremony going on around them. He couldn't pretend that what he wanted was temporary anymore, he couldn't deceive himself anymore like that. He wouldn't be able to let go even if he tried now and he was afraid. Terribly afraid of what was to come, his life as he knew it was going to be ripped apart and somehow that wasn't even his biggest fear.
