The cactus with a flower

A class photograph

You say hello, inside I'm screaming I love you

You say goodnight, in my mind
I'm sleeping next to you.
You drive away from my car crash of a heart
And I don't know...

But you gave me the best mixtape I have
And even all the bad songs ain't so bad
I just wish there was so much more than
That, about me and you.

Butch Walker's Mixtape...

A rather underrated song I would say because I find a song full of lyrics I can relate too and so feel millions out there.

What we as humans underrate the most is time... We often wait for that one particular special moment and rehearse it a thousand times in our mind but sometimes it doesn't even come. That thought we processed more than actual life stays with us as a thought and then we regret or bury as a part of us that never had an existence and live a life of what if?

Such a what if? Is holds a very strong hold on my life as well... What if I knew this earlier? What if I tried harder to convince him? What if he's rather not good enough? What if I had saved him? What if.....

So here with me take ride on journey of what ifs with me...

Kevin.... Every single time I here this name I could imagine just one single person. My Kevin or rather might be my Kevin because 10years 7months and 5days past and I don't even know if he still remembers me but I do every single day.

I am Vidia.. a typical studious and obedient student. And one day my world changed with all those feelings I never imagined I can ever feel. I felt rather special and I've never felt like that since.

I was in 4th standard when I saw him for the first time. No amazing first day friendship or relationship. We didn't even introduced ourselves to eachother but little did I know that once I knew him we would turn inseparable for the next 4years.

I have just one memory of him of that particular year.... in a class photograph.

It was February but the sun was rather furious that day. I never liked class photograph only because of this reason that I had sun allergy and every single time my face would turn red like a tomato but kind of rusty one so like always I was pitying and feeling just to skip this year's photograph anyhow who would notice one student gone in a group photograph.

"I don't want to take a group photograph anyways... It's a stupid idea" said a voice from behind.
I turned around and saw a boy kind off equal to my height reading into my thoughts. "I don't think it's stupid. I just look stupid in those every single time."
"Allergy from sun?"
"Good guess."
"Here... let's stay here in the shade for a while and we'll only leave when it's our batch so we don't have to wait there."He said with such concern.
"umm... I'm not so sure", why would he change his decision suddenly. I thought to myself.
" Because I think your reasoning is stupid. I'll stand by you so I would look stupid don't hide for no reasons."... Oh my god did he just called me stupid but I liked something in him and so I decided to stay quiet for a while. That day the boy standing next to me in photograph turned my world upside down.

And little did I know one of the most notorious student was going to become my best friend and for me maybe my first crush... And that too very soon and I was totally unaware of it.