xlii. messages

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messages!

any news?

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any news?

Vicky's stabilising. Doctors said
she might wake up soon. Nothing
new for Mikey.

i'll be there soon

Also, Joey stopped by again.
Asked about Vicky. Hoped he could
see you to talk about things.

i have nothing to say to him dada. u
know that

It could be worth a shot, Dove.

he's a big shot disney actor now.
he got his dream. i don't see why
we need to talk

Dove, I know what you're implying
and you know that's not fair. You
guys weren't even publicly
together. Only he and Vicky were.

whatever

it's too early for this shit and this
isn't a conversation for over text

I get it.

I saw you were with Justin.

why did u say it like that

Say it like what? We're texting. You
can't possibly know how I said it.

dada

u sound .... condescending

I'm going to be honest with you.

This back and forth isn't going to
last forever, Dove. You know that.
This isn't tug of war. You guys
can't keep doing this to each other,
even if it makes you happy in the
moment. You're going to get hurt
eventually.

Actually, he's already hurt you.
Over and over. And you keep
accepting it.

what do u want me to say

Nothing. I want you to get your
head out of his ass.

god. that's not fair. i love him

Do you?

I know you, Dove. I don't think
you've ever been alone. If it's not
Zayn, it was Joey. When it wasn't
Joey, it was Justin.

I remember you falling hard for
each of them. There was always
someone. Even after Zayn did what
he did, you somehow found
your way back to Justin.

Just know this time Vicky and
Mikey might not be there to pick up
the pieces. Be prepared.

this is the most i've seen joey's
name in 4 years

i swore off his name u know? none
of us talk about him

I know what you're trying to do,
Adira.

i miss the dove

Adira.

okay dada

i admit i have a hard time being by
myself. loving myself. i guess i
don't want to feel lonely. they fill
the fucking void. and i know it's so
fucking selfish to do that at the
expense of other people .. making
people put their lives on hold for
me .. but i need someone

it was so easy w zayn at first. we
were so young and in love and
happy and i felt like i was on top of
the world. he was my safe place for
so long. then he chose perrie and i
met joey and he felt so fresh and
exciting. he was this young boy
who just wanted to be an actor. felt
like one of those fucking hollywood
movies. then he chose vicky and i
met justin and i loved him too and
he chose hailey

it's so fucked to be the second
choice all the time. but i keep doing
it to myself bc i can't be by my
fucking self. and i guess i feel safe
knowing everything is only
temporary

then i started drowning my fucking
shit w alcohol again and the
fucking crash happened bc my
friends were worried about me and
now i'm right back with him and i
can't stop myself bc it feels so
good and i need it. i need the
distraction

Dove, hurting and distracting
yourself is only going to get you so
far. You can't keep ignoring your
shit. You're going to end up at the
place you fought so hard to get out
of.

I don't want to be worried about
whether you're even fucking alive
every time you don't pick up a call.
I don't want to find you slumped in
your bathtub. I don't want to visit
you in rehab.

You deserve so, so much better
than what you're accepting.

I thought things with your therapist
were going well.

sometimes i got too busy to see
them

i guess i should soon

Yes, you should.

How are you sure you even loved
those boys?

maybe some of it was in my head w
joey. but zayn and justin were so
fucking real. i would've done
anything for them. done anything
to be who they wanted

i'm going to fix this tho

Hope you can. All I want is your
happiness. That's all I want. And I
know you're not happy right now.

But I trust you, Dove.

I hope you trust yourself with your
own heart and happiness.

Love you.

love u too.

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